Leaving Home for College

My parents already rejected me going to my dream four year. They also dont want me to move out in general. They just dont understand that I need to be out of the house. I try to tell them that I need independence but they just scoff and bring me down.

However they dont get that the biggest part of me wanting to leave is that we are a very disfunctional, mentally abusive family. I personally experienced a lot of trauma from my moms son. And knowing that he knows I still live with them is scary. I want to leave to find some kind of closure, to feel free from my past, to not be tied to the anxiety my parents and younger siblings give me. I need to move on. I need to get out bc I feel like Im suffocating whenever they look at me.

Theyve always disregarded my mental health. my dad has seen my panic attacks and just shrugs them off. Theyve even figured out I was suicidal and depressed and my mom turned herself into the victim. I cant explain to them why I am like I am—why I want too much but I just feel like even if they knew they will never let me go.

I need to breathe, but they hold me by the neck and crush my hopes.