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ivoryBlueberry4615
11,060 M Pacing Forward 5
PathStep 20 Compassion hearts448 Forum posts10 Forum upvotes12 Current upvotes12 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2024 Member sinceAugust 7, 2015
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Is this SA?
Trauma Support / by ivoryBlueberry4615
Last post
 March 12th, 2024
...See more TW: SA i told my boyfriend that I would be more open to having sex with him, even though i am scared.. I told him this months ago. I haven’t been over to his house much but he invited me over. He started trying to get touchy with me, I would kind of like get nervous & move subtly so that he wasn’t touching me but tried to make it subtle because i knew i had said i would be okay with it. He did this a few times then started to make out with me in which i was struggling because i didn’t want to do that. Usually i give in to the making out and we end up making out heavy and end up doing some things. But this time i just stayed still and kept slowly kissing him, but it would stop. Like the making out would stop when it would usually not because it would lead to us doing more stuff. but he then grabbed my chest, I didn’t stop him because he usually waits until i grab his hand and guide him to touch me. he then proceeded to get on top of me and start dry humping me, stuff we usually do but he has also never initiated that. he’s always kind of let me guide him. i was just frozen and stayed still. Was this SA? Or is it my fault for telling him that i would try to be more open to doing stuff?…
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Is my friend competitive with me??
Friendship Support / by ivoryBlueberry4615
Last post
 February 1st, 2024
...See more Hi, I am a writer.. always have been. My dream is to become a published author and my friend has had an interest in writing too I guess but it was more music back then since we’ve known each other for awhile. But recently he reached out because he’s trying to also publish a book. I was excited to have a writing friend. But every time I talk about an idea I have for my story, he’s always like “idk if that will work. That’ll be hard to pull off.” im also in college and am in creative writing class. My professor gave us an assignment to answer 3 questions in paragraph style form in a showing way instead of telling. I was joking around with my struggles & said “dang I suck at showing!! lol” in a Snapstreak to my streaks on *** and this dude fr takes his time to respond to my snap & ANWERS one of the questions on MY assignment & tries to write something in detail & says “like this?”. bro that *** me tf off. I responded “eh kinda” because that really irked me. now I’m doing another assignment for creative writing. We have to submit an original piece so I’m working on one right now, I sent it to my streaks again & he was the only one to respond right away, attacking my story. I hadn’t even edited it all the way! i even said in the message that the last part wasn’t ready yet, that I had just typed that part out so it was probably bad.. and what does he do?? he attacks the last part of my short piece of fiction to tell me my dialogue was a bit weird. like no duh. I already said it was! I was just typing what came to mind & he started going off & pointing out the things that I did wrong. i told him “lol bruh im just showing you.” he said “lol it’s good. You can see the scene well” & I said “yeah I just typed what came out, I haven’t gone over it all yet.” then he proceeds to send me a paragraph of what he thinks I should change, he sends me a voice message of what I did wrong (that I never listened to). He tells me writing in third person was better than first (I wrote in first person). I left him on read after that & he started to try to apologize: “lol sorry I’m just a backseat editor.” like ok but you don’t need to do all dat geez
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I need help
Bipolar, Schizophrenia & Psychosis Support / by ivoryBlueberry4615
Last post
 January 11th, 2024
...See more I have not been diagnosed with psychosis or anything like that but I am currently seeing a counselor for the type of things that I have been dealing with. I am just so exhausted. First things first, I do have severe anxiety & depression.
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This really sucks. I'm trying really hard to make this relationship work.
Relationship Stress / by ivoryBlueberry4615
Last post
 March 18th, 2023
...See more I have been in terrible relationships in my past. I have dealt with so much from those toxic relationships. I stayed single for 4 years. Then I got on *** just for some gaming buddies and met this one boy who I promised myself I wouldn't fall for, it was just someone friendly. But as time went on, we started talking more and playing video games. Him and his friend, who he invited to play with us, would usually ask me questions. One they asked if I had ever slept with someone, I answered honestly and said yes but I didn't want to do that again because I'm Catholic and I want to wait until marriage. So he's know that since even before we started talking like that. I have toxic tendencies that have also ruined previous relationships due to always being cheated on, etc. I have a lot of trust issues and I get mad over simple things, etc. But with this relationship, I have tried to become a better person. A better girlfriend/fiance. There are things I get mad about easily that my current fiance does that I bit my tongue because I don't want to do what I've done in the past like guilt trip him for doing said thing. Or get mad that he's out with friends with a girl that I think he's messing around with (he's been honest with me so I don't have any reason to suspect he's cheating on me) so I try to bit my tongue and not say anything when he is out with his friends. I have gone to therapy to work on those habits and on myself. And since I am Catholic, the not having sex thing until marriage is very hard. I have been wanting to work with him together to get past that because I'm willing to try to work together on something like that. He doesn't see it that way and thinks it's only hard for him not having sex since he's a "guy". And he said it's easier for me because I have something to help guide me and I have a reason to not have sex so it's harder for him. But I don't think he really has any clue what I go through. Every time we are cuddling watching tv on his bed and he starts making out with me, how I am just itching to have sex with him but I know I can't. We have had sex before though.
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