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jay5128
19 166,137 M New Horizon 9
PathStep 52 Compassion hearts3,010 Forum posts7 Forum upvotes10 Current upvotes10 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2026 Member sinceAugust 16, 2014
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Where to next….
General Support / by jay5128
Last post
 August 26th, 2023
...See more So. I have been here a while. I have really been through a lot and grown in some ways, not well in others. I just don’t know what to do in order to plan. I don’t feel like there is any way forward from where I am… The back story is that I am in my mid 40’s. I am educated, I work hard, I built a pretty good life… or so I thought. I married in 2006 to someone, and I have regretted every second of it for the last two years. She had a secret relationship early on in the marriage, we ended up getting over it, but I never forgot. I didn’t trust her ever again. I would walk past her phone, look through it. Get into email and look. I found her talking to the same person again in 2014. Except this time, I found out by paying the phone bill. I got into her email and found an email she wrote home with her picture from that very day (Father’s Day) with my daughter in her back. The guy was gushing how good she looked and how cute my daughter was (he was married and was complaining about his wife and my ex was complaining about me. They both kind of had their comments about the things I didn’t know in different contexts. I felt like a total fool. I want to bed that night just shaking with anger and sadness. I got up and packed a few things in a bag. I was planning on leaving. She got up and asked what I was doing. I can remember telling her that she knew what was wrong and what I was doing. She begged me not to go. I told her I needed her phone to see the 5000 or so texts that weee listed in the phone bill or I was leaving. I ended up walking out the door anyways. I went to a friends house and he talked me into going back. I told her if she ever was caught having any kind of illicit relationship again I would leave and she better be prepared for a big legal fight. I was done. So 2021 comes along and not much had changed, I still had no trust in her, she was focused on ***. So in September she wanted a divorce. I tried saving the marriage, until I found her over this guys home. I was furious and in the same page, I was done with her. so I moved on from there and didn’t care what happened to her, to anything, I was the center of my new life, and my kids were the only other focus. She wanted to act like nothing was wrong through the holidays for the kids (business as usual for her, was absolutely great at that performance). We lived in different rooms of the house. Right or wrong I told her I’d she was actively going over this guys house, I was allowed to see other women, would not bring them around. I found it absolutely funny when she chewed me out for meeting someone for dinner, how could I. But she was allowed to go over this guys house (same guy from 2014 and 2008). Totally blew my mind. So we went through the divorce. She absolutely tore me apart, took the house, new car, had a bunch of my personal stuff that I was supposed to get but she didn’t let me get. I also had to pay her $1425 in child support, half her credit card, plus furnish a home for my kids to stay at. She immediately allowed this idiot access to our children at school, she brought him around my kids. Amazing how cheating has no consequences in our legal system…. But I digress. I have been living in an apartment, pay an astonishing amount of money for rent, child support, living expenses and extras for my kids. I can’t afford a vacation with them but my ex is living high. She has been to gatlinburg, going to Disney, takes the kids out, goes to amusement parks, replaced the a/c in the house, replaced all the fencing, threw out a good lawnmower, a new snowblower last winter and a whole bunch of other stuff. I just want to live, how can I? What do I have to look forward to other than her demise in the afterlife? What can I do to live better? I am stuck here as far as location because of the kids…. I so t know what to do and how to grow to the next level….
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There is hope….
Relationship Stress / by jay5128
Last post
 March 6th, 2022
...See more Hello out there for all of you feeling broken. I am in my early 40’s and went through a divorce that just ripped my soul out. At least is felt like it…. But there is light at the end of the tunnel, and you have to be brave and willing to see that one day. I met my wife 22 years ago through some friends, it was after recovering from a 3 year relationship where I was not appreciated. We started seeing each other more frequently and we were both in college, she was just starting, I was just finishing a degree. Her family was a disaster and shortly after she ended up back at ho me. Her home was mentally taxing, and it was taking a toll on her. She wanted to move out, obviously I supported that, but she wanted me to move out with her. I was 50 minutes away and in my senior year of college, besides I didn’t want to play house with her because I had the intentions of marrying her. I did tell her I would support her monetarily until we could move on to the next step. She approached me one day and said she was moving in with a guy. I told her I didn’t support that and it would end our relationship if she did that. She didn’t understand this. She was over my place one day and left a messenger app open and I started to find out she was cheating on me. I was livid. But I let it play out and wanted to see how long she would lie to me for. It took months for the truth to come out. I should have left her. But I took her apology, forgave, tried forgetting, and drew barriers. I told her if I ever caught her talking to this guy again, we were through. So 3 years or so we got married, paid for it ourselves, her mom, the nut she is didn’t have ten cents to throw toward the wedding, whic h was no big deal but she wanted her name on the front of the invitations like she was the primary provider of the wedding. My wife was angry over it. We had a large wedding that we both paid for. 14 bridesmaids and grooomsmen, a little over 300 people, we cut expenses here and gather but it was a grand event. within 3 years we were having our first child, a girl. We were still in a single bedroom apartment, it was a really nice place, but wasn’t going to work for children, so we bought our first home, we ended up closing and moving in the night she was born. 6 months later I was paying the phone bill, I see this number showing up on the phone bill over and over. It was the same guy that she messed with before. I was furious. I remember going to bed that night, so angry I was trembling. She asked what was wrong and put her hand on me. I jumped out of bed and said “I need to leave, I cannot do this.” She started panicking, and asked what was wrong. I told her “you know what is wrong, don’t play innocent.” She started begging and pleading me to not leave. She asked if I was going to divorce her, and I told her I didn’t know, I didn’t know where it was going. We ended up again going through everything and forgiving and moving on. However deep down, this time I never was able to move on. I never trusted her from that point on. Always felt like I was on thin ice. I couldn’t tell her the truth about serious things, didn’t feel loved or supported. She worked nights and I took care of the kids and held a full time job. We passed like two ships in the night. This led to the most recent. Three days after our 15th wedding anniversary she sat me down and said we needed to talk. She wanted a divorce. It hurt, I really had been trying to deal with things. However, she said it was all my fault, I didn’t care for her or the kids. It hurt deeply. She also said she made decisions that cannot be changed, which didn’t make sense. We tried counseling and it was a failure. The counselor was a complete disaster and had no tact to challenging my wif which just kept talking about how she just did counseling to not be a bad mom. I just said we are not here for your motherly duties, but your poor wifely duties. So I tried saving the marriage, tried a couple books. Got deeply depressed and lost a bunch of weight. I was a disaster. She wanted to keep the divorce under wraps until after the holidays for the kids. So that cut out a lot of support as I didn’t want anyone to find out. So one day, I get this phone call at my work from her asking about parent teacher meetings, she sis she wouldn’t be able to be reached the rest of the day, so if I had questions, ask now. It was strange so we share a family app she set up, it shows where everyone is at. She was in the parking garage at work. It was odd, maybe left her phone in there. I tracked our car with Onstar, she was at this guys home 40 minutes from work, same guy….. I called her and asked when she would be home, she said she was leaving work in a few minutes. I exploded and gave her an earful. Told her when she was done messing around, come home and we need to talk, it would be safe, and I am done with this marriage… I found out she had been seeing this “guy” for about 6 months and I went through the ceiling. I was so finished with her. I couldn’t and haven’t looked her in the eyes since that point. I have moved on with my life. I started working out, building my body up. I am almost a completely different person from where I was when this started. I started dating, it was a disaster, women my age are either loaded down with kids, mental cases, or just not athletic enough for me. I also noticed they are completely opposite of the 18 year old versions of ourselves. They are sex crazed lunatics in some cases. So I gave up and worked on myself. I did end up meeting this girl my age. I went out skiing opening day and she caught up with me and asked if we could hang out. I started skiing with her and had a blast. She asked if I wanted to go out for drinks after and we sat and talked all night. She was exactly what I was looking for, attractive, athletic, very nice, just an all around win. But I instantly told her I was going through a divorce still so she knew about my deal. She asked if we could still be friends, I said yes. She started texting and calling to hang out, hiking, skiing, she even got me into cross country. We just enjoyed our time together and went out to places for a nightcap. I really enjoyed time with her. I wanted to go out west and start traveling, couldn’t get any family or friends to go, so why not, I asked her to go. She agreed to a weekend and I think I blew her socks off when I sent her the plane ticket. My brother gifted me expiring miles, and my cousin said to stay in his cabin. We skied a big resort out there and her two brothers met us. I had a blast with them up there. Then we went to the cabin, alone and kept our spaces separated. Skied a few days longer and I got snowmobiles and we ended up riding up to a ridge and eating lunch. It was absolutely stunning. The last night there, we were watching a movie and she plopped down next to me. She put her head on my arm, About 10 minutes later she picked her head up and looked me right in the eyes, we kissed. It was amazing. She did cry after a little and said she didn’t know what she did ti deserve this, that I have been amazing to her. We shared a lot of experiences out there and I think this could be the start to something great. I didn’t expect to find someone like her so quickly. It is amazing! All I can do now is take things one step at a time and see what this becomes. Just know that you are valued and you will one day know the purpose of everything. Life has a way of sneaking up on you when you least expect it.
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Cheating
Relationship Stress / by jay5128
Last post
 October 29th, 2021
...See more My wife of 15 years came to me asking for a divorce. She said I don’t care about her and I am selfish. Both of us have been complacent in the marriage. So we were working on it. Today, she made a strange phone call telling me she would be in meetings and I couldn’t call her, but our kids counseling appointment was tonight and she wanted to know if I wanted to ask anything. I told her my concerns. I checked on her because it was strange, her life 360 app said she was at work, but I tracked her car and she was at a guys house 25 minutes from work. I am broken, I didn’t say anything to her. I can’t look her in the eyes. I am broken.
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