There is hope….

Hello out there for all of you feeling broken. I am in my early 40’s and went through a divorce that just ripped my soul out. At least is felt like it…. But there is light at the end of the tunnel, and you have to be brave and willing to see that one day.

I met my wife 22 years ago through some friends, it was after recovering from a 3 year relationship where I was not appreciated. We started seeing each other more frequently and we were both in college, she was just starting, I was just finishing a degree. Her family was a disaster and shortly after she ended up back at ho me. Her home was mentally taxing, and it was taking a toll on her. She wanted to move out, obviously I supported that, but she wanted me to move out with her. I was 50 minutes away and in my senior year of college, besides I didn’t want to play house with her because I had the intentions of marrying her. I did tell her I would support her monetarily until we could move on to the next step. She approached me one day and said she was moving in with a guy. I told her I didn’t support that and it would end our relationship if she did that. She didn’t understand this. She was over my place one day and left a messenger app open and I started to find out she was cheating on me. I was livid. But I let it play out and wanted to see how long she would lie to me for. It took months for the truth to come out. I should have left her. But I took her apology, forgave, tried forgetting, and drew barriers. I told her if I ever caught her talking to this guy again, we were through.

So 3 years or so we got married, paid for it ourselves, her mom, the nut she is didn’t have ten cents to throw toward the wedding, whic h was no big deal but she wanted her name on the front of the invitations like she was the primary provider of the wedding. My wife was angry over it. We had a large wedding that we both paid for. 14 bridesmaids and grooomsmen, a little over 300 people, we cut expenses here and gather but it was a grand event.

within 3 years we were having our first child, a girl. We were still in a single bedroom apartment, it was a really nice place, but wasn’t going to work for children, so we bought our first home, we ended up closing and moving in the night she was born. 6 months later I was paying the phone bill, I see this number showing up on the phone bill over and over. It was the same guy that she messed with before. I was furious. I remember going to bed that night, so angry I was trembling. She asked what was wrong and put her hand on me. I jumped out of bed and said “I need to leave, I cannot do this.” She started panicking, and asked what was wrong. I told her “you know what is wrong, don’t play innocent.” She started begging and pleading me to not leave. She asked if I was going to divorce her, and I told her I didn’t know, I didn’t know where it was going. We ended up again going through everything and forgiving and moving on.

However deep down, this time I never was able to move on. I never trusted her from that point on. Always felt like I was on thin ice. I couldn’t tell her the truth about serious things, didn’t feel loved or supported. She worked nights and I took care of the kids and held a full time job. We passed like two ships in the night. This led to the most recent.

Three days after our 15th wedding anniversary she sat me down and said we needed to talk. She wanted a divorce. It hurt, I really had been trying to deal with things. However, she said it was all my fault, I didn’t care for her or the kids. It hurt deeply. She also said she made decisions that cannot be changed, which didn’t make sense. We tried counseling and it was a failure. The counselor was a complete disaster and had no tact to challenging my wif which just kept talking about how she just did counseling to not be a bad mom. I just said we are not here for your motherly duties, but your poor wifely duties.

So I tried saving the marriage, tried a couple books. Got deeply depressed and lost a bunch of weight. I was a disaster. She wanted to keep the divorce under wraps until after the holidays for the kids. So that cut out a lot of support as I didn’t want anyone to find out. So one day, I get this phone call at my work from her asking about parent teacher meetings, she sis she wouldn’t be able to be reached the rest of the day, so if I had questions, ask now. It was strange so we share a family app she set up, it shows where everyone is at. She was in the parking garage at work. It was odd, maybe left her phone in there. I tracked our car with Onstar, she was at this guys home 40 minutes from work, same guy….. I called her and asked when she would be home, she said she was leaving work in a few minutes. I exploded and gave her an earful. Told her when she was done messing around, come home and we need to talk, it would be safe, and I am done with this marriage…

I found out she had been seeing this “guy” for about 6 months and I went through the ceiling. I was so finished with her. I couldn’t and haven’t looked her in the eyes since that point. I have moved on with my life. I started working out, building my body up. I am almost a completely different person from where I was when this started. I started dating, it was a disaster, women my age are either loaded down with kids, mental cases, or just not athletic enough for me. I also noticed they are completely opposite of the 18 year old versions of ourselves. They are sex crazed lunatics in some cases. So I gave up and worked on myself.

I did end up meeting this girl my age. I went out skiing opening day and she caught up with me and asked if we could hang out. I started skiing with her and had a blast. She asked if I wanted to go out for drinks after and we sat and talked all night. She was exactly what I was looking for, attractive, athletic, very nice, just an all around win. But I instantly told her I was going through a divorce still so she knew about my deal. She asked if we could still be friends, I said yes.

She started texting and calling to hang out, hiking, skiing, she even got me into cross country. We just enjoyed our time together and went out to places for a nightcap. I really enjoyed time with her.

I wanted to go out west and start traveling, couldn’t get any family or friends to go, so why not, I asked her to go. She agreed to a weekend and I think I blew her socks off when I sent her the plane ticket. My brother gifted me expiring miles, and my cousin said to stay in his cabin. We skied a big resort out there and her two brothers met us. I had a blast with them up there. Then we went to the cabin, alone and kept our spaces separated. Skied a few days longer and I got snowmobiles and we ended up riding up to a ridge and eating lunch. It was absolutely stunning. The last night there, we were watching a movie and she plopped down next to me. She put her head on my arm, About 10 minutes later she picked her head up and looked me right in the eyes, we kissed. It was amazing. She did cry after a little and said she didn’t know what she did ti deserve this, that I have been amazing to her. We shared a lot of experiences out there and I think this could be the start to something great. I didn’t expect to find someone like her so quickly. It is amazing! All I can do now is take things one step at a time and see what this becomes. Just know that you are valued and you will one day know the purpose of everything. Life has a way of sneaking up on you when you least expect it.