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jjoycesantana
1,381 M Little Steps 4
PathStep 91 Compassion hearts42 Forum posts25 Forum upvotes31 Current upvotes31 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2020 Member sinceNovember 7, 2017
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Self-destructive habits with an ex-partner?
Relationship Stress / by jjoycesantana
Last post
 January 7th, 2019
...See more My ex-boyfriend and I have been broken up for over a year now (a year and four months, to be exact). However, since Christmas 2017 we've been seeing eachother - just sex. The relationship itself was a nightmare (I'm on antidepressants because of it) so we agreed on keeping it physical (no feelings involved), a friends-with-benefits kind of deal. It's hurting me. My psychologist and psychiatrist insist on how dangerous and destructive this "deal" is, and they tell me to cut all relations with this person, because he doesn't see me as friend, but only someone to have sex with. But I just can't. We have an amazing physical connection and I just can't keep myself from him. I know he's not good for me, we barely talk about anything when we're not having sex, he doesn't take any interest in what I'm doing, and forces himself in showing me this is just a physical thing. I thought I was handling it just fine, until yesterday night. After we met, he got a phone call. It was his aunt, she was screaming and crying, telling him to come home because something had happened. He went from loving and cuddly to snappy and rude; screamed at me to get out of the car and kicked me out, throwing my shoes in the sidewalk. He seemed really nervous and shaky and when I tried to calm him down he just screamed "Just get out now!". He made a phone call to his best friend telling him he needed his help and just left, while I stayed in the sidewalk, with my shoes in one hand and my phone in the other. I don't know what I'm supposed to feel. I'm worried about him and what happened, but he still didn't answer my text. I don't think I should call though - it may seem too clingy, and I'm not part of his life anymore. But I felt humiliated. The way he screamed at me, how he was just trying to get rid of me to leave, the way he spoke to his best friend trying to cover the fact that he was with me... Am I being selfish? Is it reasonable to react this way in a family emergency - especially with his mother? I'm trying not to feel this way, but I still feel a bit bad about it. I guess I had it coming since I agreed with this only-physical thing. But should I end it? I still have feelings for him, but from yesterday night, we might be in different places. Any input is welcome. Thank you! :)
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Do you think it's valid to isolate yourself, have a break for yourself?
Depression Support / by jjoycesantana
Last post
 May 2nd, 2018
...See more Hi everyone! I really hope I don't come across as obnoxious and weird. Do you guys think it's valid and healthy to tune out from the world for a while? No contact with people through phone (even turn it off, if it's the case?), social media or any other way. Just some time with yourself and no one else, only if extremely necessary (work or school related). I've been feeling very anxious with social interactivity. The thought of talking with someone makes me insecure to the point of physical discomfort, like stomach problems, for example. Not only with common situations, like a college presentation or a work interview, but a simple conversation with a friend or a small talk in some line. I'm afraid I will bother the person, and I come across as unnatural and staged. I don't want to feel this anymore. So I want to isolate myself until my meds start working. Is it valid? I'm so sorry if this is stupid, I'm shaking as I type this
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Have you ever felt addicted to suffer?
Relationship Stress / by jjoycesantana
Last post
 November 20th, 2017
...See more Hey, guys. I'm currently going through some weird things and was hoping I could have your insight on them, maybe feel like you can relate to it or simply state an opinion. Everyone's welcome! :) I've been going through a tough breakup for a year, and I can feel myself getting better day by day. I don't feel the urge to talk to him or check his social media to see what he has been up to, or even add his number on my phone just for the sake of it. I didn't cry for him for the past four days and counting, and thinking about the time we had together makes me more tired than actually sad, like I could do something more productive with that time. I feel... Neutral. And that's my worry. I've been wondering if perhaps I got used to suffering for him. Because when I'm not thinking about him, I can notice myself forcing my mind to go back to him. Yesterday, for example, I actually tried to cry for him, and I couldn't; and I felt weird for it, because it used to be such a normal emotion. I realized that I have no idea how to go on without feeling sad for him. Like, it's the only emotion he ever unlocked out of me. Is that completely obnoxious of me? Because I can feel that change is coming to me, but I'm kinda running away from it, like some kind of self-sabotage. I really want to get better and be my own self, but I don't know how to be someone outside of him. Have any of you ever felt this way?
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