Self-destructive habits with an ex-partner?

@jjoycesantana I don't think it's your fault. If I were in that situation, I would just be totally confused. It seems there may be some trauma on their end, and they're not handling it well. But you can't really blame people going through trauma. I remember an article recommending that all you can really do is offer support for those closer to the trauma. If you need support yourself, you'll have to seek it from those further away from the trauma. If they're ignoring you, there may be too much for them to handle right now. I would probably give them some time, and after things have calmed down a bit, just let them know once in a while that I haven't totally shut them out. It's possible they may blame you for something, whether it's reasonable or not, but I wouldn't get defensive about it - I would just let it be and tell them I understand, but it's also important for you to go on without blaming yourself. Time really will heal their wounds, as long as you're not fighting them, but it's perfectly ok to move on with your life, even while waiting for them to come around.

@jjoycesantana

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

My ex-boyfriend and I have been broken up for over a year now (a year and four months, to be exact). However, since Christmas 2017 we've been seeing eachother - just sex. The relationship itself was a nightmare (I'm on antidepressants because of it) so we agreed on keeping it physical (no feelings involved), a friends-with-benefits kind of deal. (I don't think this is a good idea, you are focusing more on getting your unmet needs met, than in your own healing and recovery. You haven't had time to enter the healing phase out of fear of being alone, so the wound keeps opening every single time you interact with him).

It's hurting me. My psychologist and psychiatrist insist on how dangerous and destructive this "deal" is, and they tell me to cut all relations with this person, (I see why they would ask you to cut all ties with him, they are looking for your best interest. It's a bad idea being friends with someone who doesn't want what you want, because its going to cause a lot of hurt and pain) because he doesn't see me as friend, but only someone to have sex with. But I just can't. (This tells me you are afraid of being alone, afraid your unmet needs will stay unmet, afraid of going through hurt by yourself, wanting desperately to connect with someone. You are communicating this to him "I need you soo much because I can't take care of myself", so unconciously he will lose respect for you because you have not shown self-respect). We have an amazing physical connection and I just can't keep myself from him. (You can, you are just choosing not to. You can't control how you feel, but you can control your actions) I know he's not good for me, we barely talk about anything when we're not having sex, (This communicates he only sees you as an object of intimacy where he can just have a quick one) he doesn't take any interest in what I'm doing, (This tells me he doesn't value you as a person, just your body. The more you keep going with this, the more he will feel turn off and lose respect for you because he is getting what he wants, while you are going along with what he wants even though you want so much more) and forces himself in showing me this is just a physical thing.

I thought I was handling it just fine, until yesterday night. (No, you always felt hurt and sadness...you just tried to supressed it and kept inside because you are terrified of losing him) After we met, he got a phone call. It was his aunt, she was screaming and crying, telling him to come home because something had happened. (His aunt is showing irrational behavior, and being manipulative to get him home. I believe his family might have certain manipulative, controlling and trouble regulating their emotios) He went from loving and cuddly to snappy and rude; screamed at me to get out of the car and kicked me out, throwing my shoes in the sidewalk. (He is being abusive here, and showing he doesn't respect you and not being considerate of you. This is how he truly is, he is the kind of guy who is impulsive and lacks emotional self control). He seemed really nervous and shaky and when I tried to calm him down he just screamed "Just get out now!". (He is being rude and disrespectful) He made a phone call to his best friend telling him he needed his help and just left, while I stayed in the sidewalk, with my shoes in one hand and my phone in the other. (You didn't deserve to go through this, but he is showing the true person behind the mask. He didn't show any consideration for you or your safety...)

I don't know what I'm supposed to feel. (Upset and dissappointed for being with a guy who is mess up emotionally) I'm worried about him and what happened, but he still didn't answer my text. (You should never text or call someone who threw you out and then scream at you. You'll be showing lack of self-respect and dignity if you start chasing and pursuing him after this...and then he won't have any respect for you) I don't think I should call though - it may seem too clingy, and I'm not part of his life anymore. (You are right, so don't call him) But I felt humiliated. The way he screamed at me, how he was just trying to get rid of me to leave, the way he spoke to his best friend trying to cover the fact that he was with me... (You have every right to feel that way, he treated you very poorly) Am I being selfish? (No, you are feeling hurt and sad which is understandable after what happened) Is it reasonable to react this way in a family emergency - especially with his mother? (There's zero excuse for his behavior even if something bad happened in his family, he is responsible for behaving like an adult at all times) I'm trying not to feel this way, but I still feel a bit bad about it.

I guess I had it coming since I agreed with this only-physical thing. (Yes...unfortunetly he lost respect for you because you displayed certain behaviors that made him lose your value in his eyes. You shouldn't settle for second best just to be with someone, it'll make the other person lose respect for you) But should I end it? (yes) I still have feelings for him, but from yesterday night, we might be in different places. (He has shown that he shouldn't be in relationship, and you shouldn't be with a man who treated you that way) Any input is welcome.

(Very long, sorry! There's a TL;DR!)
Hello everyone!
Saw these amazing advices you guys took the time to give me when I was going through this very hard time and thought I should give you guys some update on things. :)
I feel better now. I cut all ties with him and broke any sort of contact - phones, physically or social media - and even though it was a nightmare in the beginning, it's starting to feel like a breath of fresh air. It's incredibly hard to realize how emotionally dependent we can be of someone, but I did it. All of this came to a nervous breakdown that resulted in a full day in the ER, and that's when I realized that I couldn't recover from this situation by having any sort of relationship with him. I would love to be friendly, but I can't. And that's ok!
At our last encounter (on December 19th), he contacted me in the middle of the night after almost a month without talking. I really missed him so I agreed. He came over to my house and we talk for twenty, thirty minutes tops, and he left; he literally checked up on me (asked about work, college, my family, said something about a job he was trying to get for college credit) and left. He seemed so distraught and lost, I asked later if everything was ok, if something happened with his family, he said everything was ok and asked if he could come back to talk. I said yes and, a few minutes later he was back.
He didn't say anything and just came to kiss me and asked if I wanted to get in the car - what he actually wanted in the first place, now that I think about it. I said no, because he wasn't even looking at me in the eye and stopped him. He literally got into this car and left. A few minutes later, I checked my phone and saw that he'd blocked me.
I got livid, lol. I'm not proud of it now, but that day I tried to call him from three to almost five o'clock in the morning. When I gave up, he called back me and - get this! - said that he fell asleep, so that's why he didn't answer my calls.
It felt like a slap in the face. That's when I actually stood up to all of his crap and ended up calling him an a**hole for using people for his amusement when he was bored or to feel better if he's going through a rough time, like I'm some kind of security blanket, but not good enough to qualify as someone significant in his life besides that. I was completely honest about my feelings and said that I couldn't see him as a booty call or a hookup anymore and that I can't be his friend. I also said that if he felt like he was going through something, that he should seek for help, like I did, or he'd never find any sort of peace or sense of direction in his life. I never got to call him out on his erratic and stupid behavior, and even though I felt bad for saying these things, I now feel so relieved.
That's when I decided to block him on everything. He tried to call me and sent messages saying that I was overreacting and being an absolute drama queen, and that he still wanted to be friends with me if I wanted, even though I "threw this tantrum". I couldn't bring myself to answer any of this and he haven't spoke to eachother since.
In the following hours I had the worst panic attack in years, didn't go to work or college because I felt absolutely disrespected and destroyed. It's SO disappointing to (finally) realize that you don't mean anything to the person you care so much for.
But I feel ok now. I'm trying to go out with friends and family as much as I can so my mind won't drive right back to him or what happened. It hasn't been a long time since it happened but I'm happy that I got to see what was holding me back. I hope everything goes well from now on! :)
Again, I appreciate everything single input from you guys. You rock! :)
(I apologize for the messy grammar, English isn't my first language!)

TL;DR: The aftermath of the "not-even-friends with benefits" with the ex-boyfriend resulted in a nervous breakdown on Dec. 19th, so I blocked him on everything and we don't have any sort of contact anymore. I'm doing okay, even though it's been a couple of weeks since it happened. Changed the way I see him and his actions and I'm hoping to get better from now on. :)