Have you ever felt addicted to suffer?

Hey, guys. I'm currently going through some weird things and was hoping I could have your insight on them, maybe feel like you can relate to it or simply state an opinion. Everyone's welcome! :)

I've been going through a tough breakup for a year, and I can feel myself getting better day by day. I don't feel the urge to talk to him or check his social media to see what he has been up to, or even add his number on my phone just for the sake of it. I didn't cry for him for the past four days and counting, and thinking about the time we had together makes me more tired than actually sad, like I could do something more productive with that time. I feel... Neutral. And that's my worry.

I've been wondering if perhaps I got used to suffering for him. Because when I'm not thinking about him, I can notice myself forcing my mind to go back to him. Yesterday, for example, I actually tried to cry for him, and I couldn't; and I felt weird for it, because it used to be such a normal emotion.

I realized that I have no idea how to go on without feeling sad for him. Like, it's the only emotion he ever unlocked out of me. Is that completely obnoxious of me? Because I can feel that change is coming to me, but I'm kinda running away from it, like some kind of self-sabotage. I really want to get better and be my own self, but I don't know how to be someone outside of him. Have any of you ever felt this way?