jm0516 Member Profile

...See more I just need someone out there to know what just happened last week. It still feels like a bad nightmare - like maybe it was happening to someone else...not me! Here is the back story: I divorced the father of my son about 10 years ago or so and have spent pretty much the last 5 or 6 years of my life as a single mom. I had given up the idea of finding love again. See, I come with more baggage than just my son. I was diagnosed with Bipolar II several years ago and struggle with the ups and downs that disorder creates. But I finally started dating again - a coworker that I had known for years. Here is where my life became unreal to me: my boyfriend of over a year has turned out to be sometimes very frightening to me. We argued a lot for a long time, but now I have learned to just be quiet and avoid a fight so that I don't have to hear the awful and hurtful things he normally says when he is mad. I have been called every name in the book and have had all of my faults and my past mistakes thrown at me. But it gets worse. Last week he and I went to our favorite wineries and were having a great day...until he made some comment that I took offense to. I was upset and in turn he got mad at me for being upset. Tempers flared and by the time we got home he was in a full rage. I tried walking away but he followed me and put his hands around my neck. I was scared. I told him if he ever laid a hand on me again that I would call the sheriff's department. He "dared" me to. We were both mad and yelling and when I tried to get up the stairs in our home, he pushed me and I fell across the kitchen floor. He yelled at me for over reacting - even went so far as to reenact it to make fun of me. Every time I tried to walk away, he got in my face. Eventually I was able to leave the house for a few minutes but he was timing me to make sure I wasn't going to tell anyone or get help. He demanded to take pictures of my neck to make sure there weren't any visible bruises. I wouldn't let him. Eventually everything calmed and we ignored each other for a few days. He apologized - half-heartedly. Says he won't do it again. We haven't talked about it since. And I am too scared to bring it up. I don't want to upset him again. My neck hurt for days and he saw the bruises on my arms and legs from falling. I know eventually we will talk about it, but I just have no idea when I will have the strength to do so. I can't stop thinking about it.

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