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lavenderotter096
1 100 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts8 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2021 Member sinceMarch 30, 2021
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Childhood trauma manifesting as depression and anger
Trauma Support / by lavenderotter096
Last post
 April 7th, 2021
...See more As a young girl, my dad would guilt me into sleeping in the same bed as him, even as I got older (too old to be sleeping with your parent). He would sleep in his underwear and hold me really close while he slept. I remember he would interlock his legs with mine so that I was held very close and tight to him. This is eating my alive now that I’m older. I hate the guy but feel like I have to love him and maintain contact because he’s my dad. He’s extremely manipulative. As a kid, I would tell him that I was uncomfortable holding his hand in public and I didn’t like it when he would hug me or put his arms around me (I still can’t get through a hug with him without wanted to hit him). When I told him this, he reacted in a way that made me feel extremely guilty. He would say things like “fine, I’ll never touch you or lay eyes on you again” or he would accidentally touch me and say “oh, I’m sorry, I know that makes you uncomfortable”. I felt and still feel mocked and misunderstood and this is causing me to feel uncomfortable with any type of physical touch...not just from my dad, but from other family members as well. Even just sitting on the couch with my sister and her husband makes me want to run far away, somewhere alone and away from all people. I feel so angry and sad and nervous all at the same time! I’m usually really good when it comes to talking about my feelings but I feel that this is something that is so deeply rooted and so personal, I get uncomfortable and angry just thinking about it.
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