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leaMoon123
173 M Embraced 1
PathStep 7 Compassion hearts28 Forum posts6 Forum upvotes17 Current upvotes17 Age GroupTeen Last activeMay, 2023 Member sinceDecember 4, 2022
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Intrusive thoughts + rumination
OCD & Related Behaviors / by leaMoon123
Last post
 May 23rd, 2023
...See more I have metaphysical contamination ocd where I obsess over vibes and energies that occupy my life. I feel like I innately feel these energies and they are so important to me, they’re my entire life. When I don’t like it, I am sad, when I do like it, it’s euphoric, it’s great. But sometimes I’ll get stuck in a bad one and obsess over it and ruminate on it, constantly thinking about it. my brain will keep telling me and reminding me that the vibe is there and instead of letting it go and letting it move on, it’ll stick longer because of that. It’ll linger and follow me wherever I go and everything feels so dark and depressing. I’ll focus on what’s around me, be mindful, and forget about it for a little bit, then I’ll be reminded of it again and then I began to worry that it’ll never go away because my brain will randomly remind me of it please can someone please please help me with this it’s so difficult for me I really want to enjoy my summer vacation but it’s so difficult with these, please tell me how I can stop getting stuck on these things and constantly ruminating on them, what should I do when I’m reminded of it? How should I handle it? Please help me 🙏🙏🙏
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Metaphysical contamination OCD
OCD & Related Behaviors / by leaMoon123
Last post
 April 21st, 2023
...See more I've always struggled with this specific subtype of ocd yet over the past couple of months it's progressively gotten worse. I feel strong energies and vibes from "bad" places associated with the trauma. If I do something I like there, or associate something with that place then it'll get contaminated by this energy or vibe. Yet these vibes and energies feel like my whole life ever since I was small. I enjoyed discovering and feeling new ones, I would feel very powerful positive ones and it has a lot of amazing benefits. It feels like an entirely new sense in itself and just like I can't imagine my life without sight or sound etc.. I feel the same for this. Yet it's hard constantly trying to avoid things not doing what I love etc.. and getting good things contaminated with bad vibes. I wondered if anyone experienced something similar or has any tips or advice to offer for this.
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My mom hates that I'm neurodivergent
Autism Support / by leaMoon123
Last post
 March 24th, 2023
...See more I have OCD, autism, and ADHD (I also think I may be developing BPD). Me and my mom fight a lot and a majority of it is in regards to my mental health. She works very hard for my family and I appreciate it, and I know she loves me but sometimes I start to question it. I've had these things ever since I was very little, and ever since then, my mother would criticize me and scold me for my OCD autism and ADHD. She would say disgusting, ableist things, calling all neurodivergent people selfish and just depicting them as evil. From a young age I felt that it was wrong and started to believe those things she said about them. She always made my emotions and worries feel like a burden. She hated that I wasn't "normal". I wish she understood just how difficult it is for me to cope with my mental health, and that it's probably worse to be dealing with this, rather than having a "weird child". I feel like she sends me to therapy and such, not because she wants me to get better, or cares about my feelings, it's because she wants me to change and hates that I'm different. She always tells me to just "fix it all already" that she's been so tired and oppressed by having me be so "weird" all the time. So I started wearing headphones, bringing sleeping masks with me everywhere. And she gets mad again saying that I'm just being dramatic and ridiculous at this point, and that I'm being weird again. She gets mad at me since "I have no right to be so sad all the time". Im sick of having to repress my emotions on order to "keep the peace". I can't even talk to her about it. I've tried so many times, over and over again just to tell her about how I feel. Everytime I had been calm, respectful, and open-minded. And everytime she would criticize me, play victim, cry, and make me feel like a terrible daughter, claiming that I'm too sensitive and that I'm too critical of her. Overtime I felt like that might've been manipulation, she never admits when she's wrong. Similar situations have been happening between me, my dad, and my brother yet not to the same intensity as this. I just feel very alone, like my family will never truly accept me for being myself and having emotions. I'm not sure what to do, I cannot reason with them since they never think they're wrong. I love them all so much, and I just wish they could love me and show me care, respect and empathy when I'm in emotional distress, or dealing with my mental health problems, after all, I think that's when I need it the most.
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