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levihan
369 M Embraced 3
PathStep 12 Compassion hearts24 Forum posts13 Forum upvotes9 Current upvotes9 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2020 Member sinceSeptember 9, 2019
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Just another option I guess
Relationship Stress / by levihan
Last post
 May 2nd, 2020
...See more So my (old?) friend group consisted of mostly guys (I'm female) and my best friend who was also female. The boys over the years have become more toxic, excluding me & my best friend (who I'll name tiffany, not her real name), calling us "cringe" if we acted like girls or "e-girls" or didn't go along with their crappy humour and jokes. Anyways, Tiffany is now friends with the 'popular' girls at school. She said she left our friend group because it was problematic and there was so much drama, which I never understood since the popular girls are WAY more problematic than our nerdy gamer friend group. School started again this week for me, she didn't return, which is fine ofc. But we haven't talked in over a month. Since very late last year (Nov-Dec?) was when she started hanging out with her new friend group, but slowly she's become so much more distant. We had a talk over a week ago and she said she was scared to talk to me because she thought I was mad at me blah blah... Haven't talked since. Please note I HAVE talked to her about this, about how I feel like she's drifting and doesn't wanna be friends anymore and I'm not important to her at least a couple of times since Nov-Dec last year. We've been friends since the start of high school and I don't want to lose her but she's treating me like another option to her if she loses her friends she has right now or gets bored of them because I literally get no contact from her anymore and I've given up trying. I'm not pretty, nor cool like the girls she hangs out with and she's changed. Her ex-boyfriend said the same, that she isn't the same girl he knew when they started dating. She doesn't think she's changed though. She's way more financially stable than me and I remember this conversation we had a bit ago. We were joking around about what we've done for each other and I said, "what about all the love and things I've helped you through and vice versa?" and she just said, "what about all the gifts and things I've bought for you?" and it hurt so much hearing that. Towards the end of last year, she'd only hang out with me and always ask for my food because she'd "forget" every single day, which doesn't make sense?? I feel like cutting her off completely and just removing her on socials because there's no point if I'm not talking to her anymore. She has better friends now and that's fine, but I wish she'd just tell me the truth and tell her that she isn't interested anymore or something. I've also wanted to cut the guys off for ages because they never ACTUALLY care, and they've never cared. I've helped them through so much but whenever I've tried talking to them if I was down they'd shut me out or never check if I'm alright. They only ever really talked to me if I was around (recess and lunch) or if they needed advice from me. I know I sound hella selfish but I really am just sick of being treated like another option. I just want some true friends who care about me and accept me for who I am and have similar interests instead of being insulted and called cringe every 2.5 seconds. Thank you for letting me vent here.
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Do I still care?
Relationship Stress / by levihan
Last post
 January 11th, 2020
...See more My ex broke up with me about 3 and a half months ago now. Lately, Ive had help from a couple of close friends whove helped me pull through my break downs over him, etc. Its been getting easier thinking about it and getting over it, but these past three nights have gotten on my nerves. Ive had dreams about him for the past 3 nights and its making me wonder if I still care about him. Ever since the breakup, he changed a lot. He started hanging out with a bit more dodgy people. His close friend (who he doesn't talk to anymore), Ill call him B. My ex and B used to be close, but B hangs out with my friend group nowadays. B told me that whilst dating my ex, my ex was super mature and their friend group referred him as the father of the group. Since the breakup, B says hes become so immature and has made many bad jokes towards B, insulting him culturally, religiously & racially. Anyways, back to the dreams. Night 1 I had a dream where my ex started trying to associate with me. Next thing I remember, I tripped and he caught me in his arms and looked at me lovingly and started acting like we were together again. It didnt feel right as he didnt seem like the same person that I knew and I felt a complex pain in my chest. I pushed him off me. Thats when I knew I was dreaming and I had a painful feeling that I was trapped and Id never been able to get over him. I woke up with tears in my eyes and I was sweating. The next night, I had a dream where a similar thing happened, but there was no pain. Instead, he seemed like his old self. I felt happy that I could look at him and smile. I think we were still just friends or even acquaintances. Now, last night I had a dream where we actually were back together and we were falling asleep. I kissed his forehead goodnight and we both said I love you, and fell asleep. I dont think I realized I was dreaming until a bit later, but at the time I felt happy thinking it was real. In the dream, I thought that everything was okay and fixed. When I woke up and realized what happened, I felt strange. I kept hoping Id stop dreaming about him, but I guess not. I thought I was going good at moving on until this happened. Im thinking now that maybe I still love his old self? Its probably weird to talk about it since its related to dreams and stuff, but I really needed to get this off my chest without my best friend nagging me about this and telling me all the reasons why I shouldnt care about him (in a nice way).
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Wait for what, become friends or move on entirely?
Relationship Stress / by levihan
Last post
 November 3rd, 2019
...See more Just a heads up but I have created a forum on this before which would cover the backstory but anyways... I feel a bit unsure of what to do. I'm not sure whether or not I should think that we'll become friends again, or whether or not I should do something about it. Or should I just forget and have no thoughts whatsoever? I didn't want something small like this to ruin our friendship, but my mum thinks he's being immature about it because he won't talk to me. I don't want to wait any longer because it's really affecting my school work and my life in general because it constantly has me down or makes me think badly of myself as a person. Did I do him wrong? Maybe I'm not a bad person, I'm probably just overthinking but he makes me feel as if I've done something wrong. Maybe when he said he'd hope that we could still be friends was just an excuse to make himself sound like a nice person and now it makes me think that he didn't mean it. I just want to be friends with him because not having him in my life is tearing me apart. He was a great friend to have and someone I could rely on. It's been 5 weeks since we've talked (after the breakup) or even properly acknowledged each other. I highly doubt he'll come and talk to me and want to be friends anytime soon. I'm so lost and I don't know what to do. I don't want to keep acting as if we're strangers and don't know each other, it makes me feel like he hates me.
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Unsure what to do.
Relationship Stress / by levihan
Last post
 October 23rd, 2019
...See more School just started again, and today is the start of the second week just after our 2 week holiday. Almost exactly a month ago, on the last Tuesday of term 3 before holidays, my boyfriend and I talked at recess. He seemed angry and frustrated and I knew something was off as he'd been acting weird the weekend before. We talked and I'll mention some of the things I remember. He said he felt like he didn't make me happy, he was tired of acting as if he was happy within the relationship and he said he felt like he couldn't talk to me because of the amount of crap I had been going through recently, and it all felt like I was being stabbed in the back, it hurt so much. Everything seemed fine. About a week and a half earlier, we went on a date and we were both happy, I ended up falling asleep in the car while he held me from falling over and he even tried to kiss me before we departed (failed many times because I'm scared HAhfajghaw). Anyways, I was a mess and the only words that managed to escape my mouth were, "why wouldn't you talk to me, why wouldn't you text me first?" - didn't end up getting a proper answer to that. Two days later, he came up to me and broke it off with me. This time he seemed more nice about it. He said, "I hope you find someone better than me, but I hope we can still be friends" and even asked me "if it was okay if we broke up," he kept asking if I was okay then asked for one last hug, and so we did. So, I basically didn't get a proper answer to why we broke up, he "felt a certain way for a while now" (that feeling wasn't specified) which kinda made me believe he led me on for a bit... Again, I was crying and I was a mess. Fast forward>> It's the 12th of Oct and it's his birthday. I messaged him saying, "happy birthday, hope you had a great one," and he replied with "Aw well thanks". That was the only time we talked since the breakup and now. Now we're back at school, we haven't talked but hang out in the same area. I really want to talk to him and sort things out maybe... His best friend (who is also a good friend of mine) said that my ex still has feelings for me, and so do I. I loved him so much, we did so many things together in the nearly 10 months we'd been together. I tried so many new things with him, his mother and sister were lovely and I felt really accepted. I felt really close to him, I learnt so many things about him, became friends with his friends and vise-versa. He was the one person who was always there for me, regardless of me feeling lonely because I don't have many friends. To me, he wasn't just a boyfriend but someone who I could trust wholeheartedly and be myself (being a "crazy dork" that I am, apparently). I honestly feel like I'll never like anyone as much as I loved him. His other friend told me that he's been acting weird since school started and he said he feels like my ex is acting like he's okay but he's not. I was thinking about asking his friends whether or not he'd be comfortable talking to me, or if not I was thinking of sending a message and telling him how I feel, because I don't want to make him uncomfortable when we hang in the same area, and I'm scared a few of his friends, in particular, think I'm a total b*tch. Lots of our friends would always compliment us saying we're a really cute couple, and for sure, I agree. I still have a teddy he bought me for Christmas last year and a few photos that were taken of us when we cosplayed, and I don't wanna let those go TT__TT I've received lots of advice from a variety of people, they all vary and I'm not sure what to think!! I'm so scared to talk to him.. I'm sorry if this is really long but he does mean the world to me.
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