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lightBike2965
1 117 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts8 Forum posts5 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2021 Member sinceMay 3, 2020
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I have nothing to look forward to
Depression Support / by lightBike2965
Last post
 March 29th, 2021
...See more I know the title sounds a bit dramatic but when you finish reading my post you will understand what kind of situation made me write this. I have too many problems in my life and I am tired of dealing with all this mess. I just don't have the resources or the means to solve my problems. I am 25, male and I am from a third world country. I am from a poor family and I have multiple undiagnosed mental issues. I can't afford to see a good psychiatrist and tbh I don't believe they will be able to help me. Based on my internet research I think I have adhd and mild autism. Everywhere I go, people make fun of me and they hurt me because they enjoy feeling superior to a disabled person. I always had great difficulty socializing and making friends. I never had a true friend in my whole life. I had many fake friends who pretended to be my friend to get something out of me. My social issues are so bad that I don't even know how to do basic things that you have to do to survive in this world, like going to any office and asking for information, going to the police or hospital and so on. Despite my mental and social problems I somehow managed to get a bachelor's degree in electrical engineering with a shitty cgpa. I don't know where to go from here. So far it was somehow manageable because all I had to do was sit in a classroom. But now I have to get a job and I don't know how. So far I have lived with my family as I have nowhere else to go. My father is abusive and he doesn't care about my mental issues. I am afraid I am going to be kicked out if I can't get hired. It's just not possible for someone like me to get a job like other people, I highly doubt that I will even make it past the job interview with my social skills. Even if I do, I won't be able to keep the job very long as I won't survive in the social games in the office environment and I am going to be treated like shit because of my mental issues. This is not a future I can look forward to, as I have very big goals in my life and I just don't see any point in living a life where I have to take shit from others everyday and work a 9 to 5 job to get absolutely nowhere. I will never be able to become rich or make any of my dreams come true. I know I sound like lazy but please believe me I am not. I would give anything to have a functional brain and I would work hard to reach my goals. But I struggle so hard with basic human interaction that it's not possible for me to move forward anymore. I know some of you might give me advice to look into coding or online freelance work but those things are super competitive and I don't see how I am going to become rich by doing that kind of work. I have been depressed for many years and even thought about suicide. It seems like there only two ways to go about this, end my life now or live a shitty life till I die. I don't know which one is better at this point. Please give me some advice.
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Stuck with bad luck
Depression Support / by lightBike2965
Last post
 March 31st, 2024
...See more Some people are destined to never come out of the shithole they were born in. I am one of those people. I have extreme bad luck with everything, I am confused with everything in life. For some reason people treat me differently and I mean that in a negative way. I can't make a friend to save my life. Can't get anything done, struggling to even complete my bachelor's degree. Have no contact with any people outside my family and can't see how I am gonna survive in this selfish cruel world. Even something simple as going to a store and buying something without getting ripped off is impossible. What is wrong with me?
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I feel like dying don't know what to do anymore
Depression Support / by lightBike2965
Last post
 May 3rd, 2020
...See more My life of 24 years is a freaking mess. Wherever I go I fuck up. I had a very very painful dark past which is making my life impossible. I am not clever at all and due to this I can't solve my problems in life. I try very hard but no matter what I do I am stuck with my inferior brain. I have no idea how a person can be so stupid, I have never see anyone dumber than me in my whole life. I am doing bad in every single area of life- financial, social, health, sexual, spiritual, mental.. I have absolutely nothing to look forward to. I can't imagine my life getting better. I sometimes think that I am cursed or I am stuck inside a simulation in which I am destined to suffer forever. Some people would ask me to turn to God but no religion makes any sense to me. Christianity, islam, jewism, hinduism, buddhism.. everything is bullcrap. I feel like someone like God is responsible for creation of everything but he just doesn't care about us. There's no karma or justice and you can be worst person ever and get away with it if you are clever enough. A never ending cycle of destruction has trapped me and I want out. I am clueless on what to do next.
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