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lightJet43
8,326 M Moving Along 9
PathStep 11 Compassion hearts48 Forum posts5 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2019 Member sinceJanuary 8, 2015
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I acted in an uncool way thanks to some internal issues and lost one of my best friends
Relationship Stress / by lightJet43
Last post
 October 28th, 2015
...See more I met this girl on my campus in late October, we became close friends decently quickly, often talking late into the night (both IRL and online) and sharing very personal things (some of which she hadn't shared with anyone, ever, even her best friend). We were able to talk forever, but in some ways how well we got along led to the downfall of things (though it was far from the crux of the problem). Things really started to get messy when finals began to approach, she was replying to me less and less. I knew she needed space to study, but in spite of that my worries kicked up pretty hard and sort of took over my actions. This was really when the issues started to grow. Eventually I kinda sorta stepped back a bit and told myself that she just needed some space and that things would be better after finals, but even then she was hard to reach, largely in part thanks to her job over break but there were still times where she obviously wasn't replying to me. My worries hit a breaking point just after New Years, and I sent her a message explaining that if she didn't want to be my friend anymore she could tell me so I could stop making an ass of myself.  She then sent a reply, explaining that it wasn't that she didn't like me or think I'm a bad person, but she considered me to be a high maintenance friend, and felt that I had become overbearing and had high expectations which were stressing her out (keep in mind she suffers from an anxiety disorder). I sent two replies 10 or 15 minutes later, the first explaining my behaviors to some degree and the second summing up the first one and expressing a desire to go back to when things were simpler. I honestly should be been much more succinct and apologetic, and more clearly articulated that I understood her need for a break, but hindsight is 20/20 and it's not like regret will get me anywhere. I'm making it a point not to entertain too many fantasies involving getting back in touch with her, but I can see where I at least have a shot at earning her forgiveness if I apologize properly (she's a very kind person, and it's pretty clear she doesn't hate me or anything, she just wasn't enjoying what the friendship had turned into).  Currently my plan is as follows: go to therapy (something where the gears are already in motion), let adequate time pass (it's been two and a half weeks), and when I've made progress and it's been long enough for any hard feelings to repair, deliver an apology message and hope for the best while expecting the worst. I should probably also wait until I won't get too distraught if she doesn't want to be my friend again.
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