I acted in an uncool way thanks to some internal issues and lost one of my best friends

Whoops, meant to type "internal issues" in the title

Sounds like a good plan.

It sounds like you are heading in the right direction. I think your plan sounds like it will be very effective. It's important the we take care of ourselves first, as that will ultimatly help us with our relationships in the future. From what you have said about the young lady I think she will be very proud of you for reaching out for help. While you would like to have her back, just knowing she don't hate you must be a relieving and good feeling.

I wish you all the best my friend.

I am new here and I am sorry if I break any sort of listener code, but I feel very identified with your issue, I've had a lot of problems with some female friends because I become too intense/over bearing.

I have come to therealizationthat when I have this problem is with friends (girls) I actually fancy deep down inside. I try to lie to myself and be like no, no they are just friends, but I notice I act differentlywith them than I would with a normal friend that I don't find attractive or I fancy at all. What I do now is just relax and always think "you'd do this/text this/ to a normal mate?".

Well that is my experience I am not saying it has anything to do with your issue or anything but if it helps you in any way then great :). I think you do well going to therapy, it keeps you in touch with yourself.

I wish you the best.

I am new here and I am sorry if I break any sort of listener code, but I feel very identified with your issue, I've had a lot of problems with some female friends because I become too intense/over bearing.

I have come to therealizationthat when I have this problem is with friends (girls) I actually fancy deep down inside. I try to lie to myself and be like no, no they are just friends, but I notice I act differentlywith them than I would with a normal friend that I don't find attractive or I fancy at all. What I do now is just relax and always think "you'd do this/text this/ to a normal mate?".

Well that is my experience I am not saying it has anything to do with your issue or anything but if it helps you in any way then great :). I think you do well going to therapy, it keeps you in touch with yourself.

I wish you the best.

Thanks for all the replies, everyone. It's reassuring to see it all. I guess I did have somewhat of complicated feelings towards her, we had discussed the potential for a relationship which we definitely both saw, but she wanted to figure out some stuff on her sexuality before entering one. I said a few things I shouldn't have afterwards that gave her the impression I wanted to rush into a relationship, but I've since realized I'm not really emotionally ready for one with anybody right now since I have these issues with close friendships.

I also made the mistake of going through her twitter last night (I broke my own rule there), and I found a post from the night she blocked me about how she was proud to have "gentle told off this guy who was driving her up the wall." I guess it's not really any new information, but it does hurt to see myself be referred to that way in knowing I had that bad of an impact on someone who I really care about. If anything it serves as a reminder that I can't get my hopes up too high, but I'm not really making any changes to my plans for action, just making it a point to embrace a more cautious optimism.

Thanks again for all the help, but I am coming back with some bad news. I sent her this apology message:

"I know we're not on talking terms right now so I hope this doesn't come off as creepy or anything. I feel that I've really benefited from the time we've spent apart and I've thought over things. I honestly do see in more ways than one how I truly was overbearing, high maintenance and all the other things you said. I put you in a really bad position, and I feel really bad and am very sincerely sorry for that. The way I acted was driven by some internal, anxiety issues which I've been seeing a therapist for and hope you understand, and I'm already showing very real improvement. I was hoping that we could maybe just be pals again, but I understand if you'd prefer not to or just need more time."

I got her reply a day later:

"if someone blocks you on every possible website, that means that no, they do not want to be friends. you're being creepy and manipulative. i'm switching accounts [on the site we used] and i won't log into this one again. bye."

I was really taken off guard by that. She seemed like such a friendly, and reasonable person. I'd expect her of all people to give a nicer reply to somebody who is clearly having trouble with their mental health since she suffers from an anxiety disorder herself. I have zero regrets about the message I sent, how long I waited (five weeks since she cut me off) or how I wrote the message.

I'm not gonna pretend that I'll ever talk to her again, her mind is obviously made up there. I'm not mad at her for not wanting to be my friend, either. However, I AM mad at her for talking like that. That was wholly uncalled for. If anything I'm glad that I don't have that kind of person in my life anymore.

I admit I'm left pretty confused, that seemed so unlike her. I think it's more than a little obvious she's suffering from some kind of mental issues which aren't being fully addressed.

I also give myself some credit for how I'm handling this. If I had the opportunity to sit down and talk to her about this, I could shout at her. I could cuss her out. I could tell her what a sick thing that was to do. But instead I would just tell her "you weren't acting like the person Mr. Rogers knew you can be." And I do admit if she ever comes to her senses I would be the better person there and give her my forgiveness (though I never see that happening).