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My girlfriend is having "complicated feelings" and has not communicated with me for 3 days now

Relationship Stress / by lightSail761

November 8th, 2025

...See more Hello everyone, I am sorry that this will likely be a very long post. For context my girlfriend and I have been close friends for many years, ever since high school. During this time, she was interested in starting a relationship with me but I was not ready because my girlfriend at the time had passed away suddenly, of course she didn't know this at the time. After we graduated, we both went our separate ways, she stayed in the US for college, and I took a gap year and then went to the UK as an international student. Partway through my first year of university, she came to visit me because she was doing a semester abroad in France, and after a few days that is when she asked me to be her partner and I accepted. We had been talking for a while before she came to visit and that is when I started to notice my feelings for her, I am now absolutely head over heels for her and have been every day since for the last 3 years, she is the greatest thing to ever happen to me. Of course being primarily long distance, things haven't always been easy, and we have had our scares where she has second guessed our relationship and her ability to stick the distance out until I graduate and come home, but we have always worked through things. I am now in my final year of university, and I am so excited to come home to her for good, we usually only see each other a few times per year, I even want to propose to her, which is something she knows. Things have been more or less pretty good recently, except for a scare Monday a week ago, where we were on a call like normal, and then she suddenly stopped responding, and then told me she couldn't do the distance anymore, I accepted this and said my peace, telling her how much I love her and how much she means to me, and this is when I told her I was planning on proposing to her after my graduation, not in a way to guilt her, but I just felt she deserved to leave the relationship knowing that I felt that seriously about her and us. She soon changed her mind, and apologized profusely for hurting me and explained that she had been through some difficult experiences and was scared to talk to me about them and felt it would be better to just leave. My goal as her partner is always to do everything I can to make her feel happy and safe and loved, and I am always willing to talk about and address any issues or concerns she has in general or with our relationship, and I have been very open about presenting myself as a safe and non-judgemental partner for her. A few days later, things seemed to be looking up, the day before Halloween we were watching a movie together on a call when she suddenly left the call, after not hearing from her again for half an hour, I asked her if she was okay, and she said she was dealing with a private issue. I told her that is perfectly okay, and that she doesn;t have to talk about it with me, but that I am here if she needs me. I also asked if she wanted to do a sleep call later that night since it is part of our routine most nights and she says it comforts her. She said she didn't want to which I said was okay. About an hour later she called me and said that we could do a sleep call, to which I said we could only if she wanted to, I didn't want her to feel like she had to do it for my sake if she was dealing with something. She then said that she could tell me what she was dealing with if I wanted, but that she didn't want to because it would hurt me. At this point, internally I felt that I had to know, but I also didn't want to pressure her or escalate things into a fight, so I fet it would be better to revisit things when she was calmer. The next day things seemed to go back to normal, with her buying shoes she planned to wear to my graduation and telling me about the outfits she was putting together for it, and the next few days after that were good to. This past Monday, I bought my flights home for Winter break, I am flying straight to the town she goes to college in so I can maximize the amount of time I can spend with her, and then we were planning on both going up to our hometown together to spend time with each of our families for the holidays. When I told her this she was very excited, and we ended up having a sappy deep conversation about how much we love each other and mean to each other, and she mentioned how she had wanted to be with me for years and never thought her dream would come true, and so on. I was feeling very good after this, and we did our normal sleep call and talked in the morning until she had to go to class since Tuesday's are very busy for her. Then later than evening she called me out of the blue, which isn't as common as usually I am the one initiating calls, it was a fairly normal time although she seemed to need a bit more reassurance and was asking me if I still loved her which of course I do. At this point my sleep schedule had been pretty messed up, I do not have classes this week, so I had been staying up super early into the morning and just sleeping at random times during the day, she usually wakes up around noon my time and usually I am awake to greet her as she wakes up. This past Wednesday however, I accidentally slept through her wakeup, and when I woke up, it was an hour after, she had ended the call and I apologized for missing her. About an hour later she didn't acknowledge what I had said but was sending memes and whatnot as we usually do back and forth throughout the day. This went on throughout the rest of the day with her being affectionate like usual. Later that night, she texted me saying that she felt like she was going to throw up, I asked her what was wrong and if something had happened, and she said she didn't know, I then was like so you just suddenly felt nauseous? A couple hours later she responded saying yes, to which I told her I was sorry she was feeling ill and to let me know if there was anything I could do to help her feel better. She then said that she was feeling anxious about a few different things that were likely contributing to it. I said that if she needed me I was here, and that I will always support her through anything. She thanked me and then said that she was having a lot of complicated feelings. I then told her that was okay, and that I was here if she needed love or reassurance, or if she needed to talk about it, or just have me help her take her mind off things. I also reiterated that if she had any issues or concerns with our relationship that she should never feel afraid to talk to me about them and that I will listen to her and work together with her on them, I ended with telling her that I loved her with all my heart. After that she left me on read, and I have not received any communication whatsoever from her for 3 days now. This is very unusual for her, and it is something that we have talked about in the past as not being acceptable. Of course I understand if she is busy and leaves a message on read for a few hours or even a day, but multiple days on end while I can still see she is active on social media seems to be a very deliberate lack of response. We have both agreed that it is okay to need space or time to ourselves if we are dealing with personal things, but to just let the other partner know first and offer some sort of reassurance. If she had just done that I likely wouldn't be overthinking or spiraling so hard. But now I can't help but feel ignored and worry about her in general, as well as worry about our relationship. Not only am I terrified of losing her in the first place, she is such an important part of my life and has been for so long, but it also hurts that much more being so close to the finish line as far as me getting to come home for good and for us to start the next chapter of our lives together like we have talked about and planned for years. At this point I don't really know what to do, if I don't hear from her again, I plan on sending a follow-up message, I don't want to put pressure on her or make her feel overwhelmed, but I also feel that it is only fair to show my love and concern give that this has never happened before in our relationship and I am worried.

I feel like I ruined my relationship and everything is falling apart around me and its so stressful

Anxiety Support / by lightSail761

September 16th, 2022

...See more For context: we have been together mostly long distance on and off for 2 years. My first gf died when I was 16, we met at 17, and I am 19 now, in that time, 5 other friends have died, and 2 have ghosted me. People leaving my life enexpectedly without a word has become my single greatest fear. My gf and I got back together after she more or less ignored me for 3 months starting in January. Everything was fine and then suddenly she would only talk for roughly 6 days out of each month. Last month she reached out to apologize and we got back together. Things were going well, but in the last 2 weeks, I have been injured repeatedly at work, sexually assaulted, a friend died in a car accident, and I am moving to a new country in under a week. It has been incredibly traumatic and stressful. A week ago she started leaving me on read, this went on for 2 and a half days, then I saw I was blocked on Snapchat, I asked about it on messenger and it wouldn't go through, and then I saw she posted on Instagram about winning a soccer championship she played the previous day, so I congratulated her and asked about being blocked, not angrily, just "I noticed I was blocked on Snapchat, did I do something wrong? If so may we talk about together please?" 10 minutes later I was removed on Instagram. So I texted her an hour later using sms and basically blew up, I thought she was ghosting me and I said "I can't believe you would ghost me, what did I do!? You are a coward and I am so hurt and betrayed, you are abusive and you were right about not deserving me and being the worst thing to happen to me!" This is the first time I have ever talked to her in that way and I feel awful about it. She then angrily told me she just woke up and that she never blocked me, and she told me she never abused me and doesn't know what I'm talking about,, and then I was added back on snapchat. She is really angry and hurt for what I said and hasn't talked to me for a week until today and she was very passive aggressive, I asked about working together on having boundaries and better communication and was left on read and I feel terrible for everything I said when I was angry.

I feel like I ruined everything

Relationship Stress / by lightSail761

September 28th, 2022

...See more This will be long so please bear with me For a bit of background on my past and stuff first: when I was 16, my first gf died in a car accident and I didn't know about it for 3 days after it happened. I am now 19 and in the years since I was 16, 5 other friends have died, and 2 friends have completely ghosted me. People leaving my life without a word is my biggest fear. One second they are here, and the next they are just gone.. And within the last 2 weeks, I have been sexually harassed, injured repeatedly at work, a fifth friend has passed away, and I am moving to a new country in under a week. My gf and I have been together for 2 years on and off mostly long distance. She was the first person I loved after I lost my first gf and thought I could never love again. I felt numb to the world and then she came and made everything better, she is the light of my life. But our relationship has always been a bit rocky. We broke up the first time after she went to a party with her ex and spent the night at his house and didn't respond to me for two days prior and the whole time she was there. She then refused to discuss anything that happened and it made me think she cheated. We later talked about it, she did have feelings for him, but nothing happened, and we decided to get back together. Her parents divorced in early December, and on January 1st, she abruptly stopped talking to me more or less. She would just disappear or leave me on read for days or weeks at a time. In January, we spoke for a total of six days throughout the month, February and March were the same way. I would basically beg and plead for communication and then she would yell and swear at me. And then on March 29th she broke up with me in a very angry and rude way, she told me I was "A pain in the ass and too needy." After that I wished her well and went no contact so I could try to heal. A month ago, she reached out to apologize and was very remorseful. She explained that she took her anger out on me and apologized for it. She also explained that she had left our relationship in January but only told me on March 29th. Two weeks after leaving me, she had a 3 month relationship with her ex from that party. After talking for a week, we decided to give our relationship another shot, things were going well until Tuesday of last week. We were on a call on Facebook Messenger and I wanted to talk about what happened at the beginning of the year and come up with strategies together that would make sure that nothing like that would ever happen again. She got very defensive if her actions and left the call. So I sent a rather long text expressing my thoughts and feelings and she didn't read it. About an hour later, she texted me on Snapchat asking me what I was doing, I told her about the text I had sent earlier and she told me she didn't like long texts, so I asked if she would prefer I use multiple shorter texts instead. She told me "No, just summarize it." I tried my best but it still came out fairly long. She then said "The fuck did I just say! You know what, just don't worry about it, just forget it!" And she never acknowledged what I had to say. I then apologized for upsetting her and asked her to please not speak to me that way. She then left me on read. The next day, I decided to drop it, and I asked her how she was doing and got left on read,, 10 hours later I sent her my routine goodnight, I love you, talk to you tomorrow type message and was left on read again. A day after that she had a big soccer championship, I texted her saying "I'm guessing you haven't wanted to talk or have just been busy but I hope you are doing alright, good luck with your game today, you've got this!" And I was left on read again. A day later, I saw I was blocked on Snapchat, I then asked about it on Facebook Messenger and it wouldn't go through. A few hours later I saw she had posted on Instagram about winning her championship, I texted her there congratulating her on winning her game and telling her how proud of her I was, and I also asked about Snapchat and Facebook Messenger. 10 minutes later I was removed and unfollowed on Instagram, and an hour later, she still hadn't read my message. At this point it started to seem like she was ghosting me and I got very scared and upset and I lashed out at her. I sent her a text on Facebook Messenger telling her how I couldn't believe she would just ghost me and asking what I had done to deserve it. I also told her she was emotionally and verbally abusive and that she didn't deserve me and was the worst thing to ever happen to me (both things she had once said of herself.) I have never talked to her this way before and I regretted it immediately. She responded right after saying "The fuck are you talking about, I just woke up! The fuck do you mean I abused you, I didn't do shit! Sorry I have a busy life and can't do everything you want me to!" I was confused by this and asked why she blocked me and she said she didn't block me on Snapchat and that she gave her password to her friend that day. I then asked about Instagram and she refused to answer. I felt horrible for the hurtful things I said and apologized profusely. I have recognized what I said was wrong and hurtful and explained my emotions and thoughts at the time, how I felt my worst fear was happening again, and explained how I will improve myself and do better in the future. I have told her that her feelings of hurt and anger are valid and that I will respect her boundaries and needs. This is the first time I have ever lashed out at her in anger and I feel sick knowing I caused her pain. She has been leaving me on read for days now and I don't know what to do, I hurt her and that is unacceptable and I feel awful. Everything I mentioned at the beginning of this post piled on and then I thought she was ghosting me and it scared me and I snapped at her. I hate seeing her in pain and knowing that I hurt her.

I feel like I ruined my relationship and I don't know what to do

Relationship Stress / by lightSail761

September 14th, 2022

...See more This will be long so please bear with me For a bit of background on my past and stuff first: when I was 16, my first gf died in a car accident and I didn't know about it for 3 days after it happened. I am now 19 and in the years since I was 16, 5 other friends have died, and 2 friends have completely ghosted me. People leaving my life without a word is my biggest fear. One second they are here, and the next they are just gone.. And within the last 2 weeks, I have been sexually harassed, injured repeatedly at work, a fifth friend has passed away, and I am moving to a new country in under a week. My gf and I have been together for 2 years on and off mostly long distance. She was the first person I loved after I lost my first gf and thought I could never love again. I felt numb to the world and then she came and made everything better, she is the light of my life. But our relationship has always been a bit rocky. We broke up the first time after she went to a party with her ex and spent the night at his house and didn't respond to me for two days prior and the whole time she was there. She then refused to discuss anything that happened and it made me think she cheated. We later talked about it, she did have feelings for him, but nothing happened, and we decided to get back together. Her parents divorced in early December, and on January 1st, she abruptly stopped talking to me more or less. She would just disappear or leave me on read for days or weeks at a time. In January, we spoke for a total of six days throughout the month, February and March were the same way. I would basically beg and plead for communication and then she would yell and swear at me. And then on March 29th she broke up with me in a very angry and rude way, she told me I was "A pain in the ass and too needy." After that I wished her well and went no contact so I could try to heal. A month ago, she reached out to apologize and was very remorseful. She explained that she took her anger out on me and apologized for it. She also explained that she had left our relationship in January but only told me on March 29th. Two weeks after leaving me, she had a 3 month relationship with her ex from that party. After talking for a week, we decided to give our relationship another shot, things were going well until Tuesday of last week. We were on a call on Facebook Messenger and I wanted to talk about what happened at the beginning of the year and come up with strategies together that would make sure that nothing like that would ever happen again. She got very defensive if her actions and left the call. So I sent a rather long text expressing my thoughts and feelings and she didn't read it. About an hour later, she texted me on Snapchat asking me what I was doing, I told her about the text I had sent earlier and she told me she didn't like long texts, so I asked if she would prefer I use multiple shorter texts instead. She told me "No, just summarize it." I tried my best but it still came out fairly long. She then said "The fuck did I just say! You know what, just don't worry about it, just forget it!" And she never acknowledged what I had to say. I then apologized for upsetting her and asked her to please not speak to me that way. She then left me on read. The next day, I decided to drop it, and I asked her how she was doing and got left on read,, 10 hours later I sent her my routine goodnight, I love you, talk to you tomorrow type message and was left on read again. A day after that she had a big soccer championship, I texted her saying "I'm guessing you haven't wanted to talk or have just been busy but I hope you are doing alright, good luck with your game today, you've got this!" And I was left on read again. A day later, I saw I was blocked on Snapchat, I then asked about it on Facebook Messenger and it wouldn't go through. A few hours later I saw she had posted on Instagram about winning her championship, I texted her there congratulating her on winning her game and telling her how proud of her I was, and I also asked about Snapchat and Facebook Messenger. 10 minutes later I was removed and unfollowed on Instagram, and an hour later, she still hadn't read my message. At this point it started to seem like she was ghosting me and I got very scared and upset and I lashed out at her. I sent her a text on Facebook Messenger telling her how I couldn't believe she would just ghost me and asking what I had done to deserve it. I also told her she was emotionally and verbally abusive and that she didn't deserve me and was the worst thing to ever happen to me (both things she had once said of herself.) I have never talked to her this way before and I regretted it immediately. She responded right after saying "The fuck are you talking about, I just woke up! The fuck do you mean I abused you, I didn't do shit! Sorry I have a busy life and can't do everything you want me to!" I was confused by this and asked why she blocked me and she said she didn't block me on Snapchat and that she gave her password to her friend that day. I then asked about Instagram and she refused to answer. I felt horrible for the hurtful things I said and apologized profusely. I have recognized what I said was wrong and hurtful and explained my emotions and thoughts at the time, how I felt my worst fear was happening again, and explained how I will improve myself and do better in the future. I have told her that her feelings of hurt and anger are valid and that I will respect her boundaries and needs. This is the first time I have ever lashed out at her in anger and I feel sick knowing I caused her pain. She has been leaving me on read for days now and I don't know what to do, I hurt her and that is unacceptable and I feel awful. Everything I mentioned at the beginning of this post piled on and then I thought she was ghosting me and it scared me and I snapped at her. I hate seeing her in pain and knowing that I hurt her.

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