I feel like I ruined my relationship and everything is falling apart around me and its so stressful

For context: we have been together mostly long distance on and off for 2 years. My first gf died when I was 16, we met at 17, and I am 19 now, in that time, 5 other friends have died, and 2 have ghosted me. People leaving my life enexpectedly without a word has become my single greatest fear.

My gf and I got back together after she more or less ignored me for 3 months starting in January. Everything was fine and then suddenly she would only talk for roughly 6 days out of each month. Last month she reached out to apologize and we got back together.

Things were going well, but in the last 2 weeks, I have been injured repeatedly at work, sexually assaulted, a friend died in a car accident, and I am moving to a new country in under a week. It has been incredibly traumatic and stressful. A week ago she started leaving me on read, this went on for 2 and a half days, then I saw I was blocked on Snapchat, I asked about it on messenger and it wouldn't go through, and then I saw she posted on Instagram about winning a soccer championship she played the previous day, so I congratulated her and asked about being blocked, not angrily, just "I noticed I was blocked on Snapchat, did I do something wrong? If so may we talk about together please?" 10 minutes later I was removed on Instagram. So I texted her an hour later using sms and basically blew up, I thought she was ghosting me and I said "I can't believe you would ghost me, what did I do!? You are a coward and I am so hurt and betrayed, you are abusive and you were right about not deserving me and being the worst thing to happen to me!" This is the first time I have ever talked to her in that way and I feel awful about it.

She then angrily told me she just woke up and that she never blocked me, and she told me she never abused me and doesn't know what I'm talking about,, and then I was added back on snapchat. She is really angry and hurt for what I said and hasn't talked to me for a week until today and she was very passive aggressive, I asked about working together on having boundaries and better communication and was left on read and I feel terrible for everything I said when I was angry.