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limeBunny4364
980 M Little Steps 2
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts26 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes5 Current upvotes5 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2024 Member sinceApril 2, 2021
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Teenage years ripped away--nothing but darkness and filth
Trauma Support / by limeBunny4364
Last post
 March 24th, 2024
...See more My early years were good. But in my teen years, everything turned dark. My mom became obsessed with our Catholic faith to the point that she began to make bad choices that traumatized us all. She starved herself for days when I was 14. I saw her gaunt and hollow-eyed, her voice raspy. My dad got extremely angry. After that, she practiced intermittent periods of fasting and got me and my sister sucked up enough into her weird, fanatical dogma that we began to fast as well. I was 15 and 16 at the time. I remember not eating anything for a whole day and my stomach feeling hollow. And my mom let me. I recall my mom also encouraging me to wear a hijab like a Muslim woman. I hated this so much but was so gullible and worshipping of her at the time that I did. And oh, how I hated it…I felt like my very femininity, my beautiful hair, had been stolen from me. My mom stopped taking me and my sister outside. She covered the windows with black trash paper. It was so dark and dreary and horrid. At one point, she seemed psychotic and was raging about our home being invaded by camaras and that people were watching us all the time. She would rant prayers for protection. I am pretty certain my mom had and still has a mental illness. Mom and Dad argued all the time. I remember crying at 16 over their fights. I had zero social life during my teen years; the entire teenage experience was ripped away from me. No friends, so social experiences, I didn’t even get to be outside and do fun things. This is one of the reasons why I, a former homeschooler, is now against homeschooling. Then, later on, the awful hoarding began. My mom, a hermit by now who never left the house, began hoarding recyclable materials and trash in the house. She refused to dispose of anything. Dad raged at her. I tried to tell her it was wrong. She never listened. It was like she loved the trash more than us. In my early twenties I was still living here while finishing up college. Eventually, the toilet and plumbing broke, but we couldn’t have anyone over to fix it because our house was a total mess. We had mold on the walls and mice roaming around. I got diagnosed with asthma. Finally, this Christmas, I got extremely sick with viral asthma and was in the hospital for 3 days. I blame it on the horrible conditions I was living in. I recovered, and have finally moved out (thankfully landed a full-time job). But I know I am bruised emotionally from all this. I can never get back my teen years 😥. 
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Pathological Addiction to Teen Boys as a Young Adult Woman
Addiction Support / by limeBunny4364
Last post
 November 26th, 2022
...See more I am a young woman in my early twenties. For five years now I've really, really admired teen boys and seem to be addicted to them. Currently, I only want to watch movies and tv shows if they feature a physically pleasing teenage boy (ages 14-19) , otherwise I don't have much interest in what I'm watching. If I see a teen boy while outside, I want to look at him and often feel immediately self-conscious and in awe of him. I like to look at photos of teen boys with longish or shaggy hairstyles--sometimes I am just starstruck at how purely beautiful/cute they look. Interestingly, I don't feel sexually attracted--just aesthetically attracted. I detest any nudity and never look at any images like this. I don't imagine doing sexual things or anything like that. Does this mean it's not ephebophilia? Also, there is another dimension: I have a whump/hurt/comfort fixation--I love to write and read stories in which a teen boy is unconscious for whatever reason and is cared for by a loving parent, preferably a father, but a mom is ok too. Movie scenes like this are my personal fave. I love the concept of hurt teen boys being rescued and carried by their fathers. I feel ashamed, though, of reading news stories about real boys' accidents, such as drowning, drug overdoses, anaphylaxis, ectr. because then it appears I'm taking pleasure in something real and sad. I've also spent hours reading real moms' discussions with doctors about their sick or injured teen sons on JustAnswer.com [https://justanswer.com/]. Somehow, life reached the point where my pleasures chiefly revolved around teen boys in movies and photos and whump, something I needed to cope. My background (obviously reveals the root causes of all this): I've been sheltered all my life. Never met or got to interact with real teen boys as a teen. Have no brothers and altogether almost zero experiences with teen boys. Also, I really, really long to have a teenage son someday. I am romantically attracted to handsome men my age, as well, and hope to get married. But the enchantment with "pretty" adolescent males remains. I hurt because I feel like I missed out on so much since I didn't get to have a normal adolescence.
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