Pathological Addiction to Teen Boys as a Young Adult Woman
I am a young woman in my early twenties. For five years now I've really, really admired teen boys and seem to be addicted to them. Currently, I only want to watch movies and tv shows if they feature a physically pleasing teenage boy (ages 14-19) , otherwise I don't have much interest in what I'm watching. If I see a teen boy while outside, I want to look at him and often feel immediately self-conscious and in awe of him. I like to look at photos of teen boys with longish or shaggy hairstyles--sometimes I am just starstruck at how purely beautiful/cute they look. Interestingly, I don't feel sexually attracted--just aesthetically attracted. I detest any nudity and never look at any images like this. I don't imagine doing sexual things or anything like that. Does this mean it's not ephebophilia?
Also, there is another dimension: I have a whump/hurt/comfort fixation--I love to write and read stories in which a teen boy is unconscious for whatever reason and is cared for by a loving parent, preferably a father, but a mom is ok too. Movie scenes like this are my personal fave. I love the concept of hurt teen boys being rescued and carried by their fathers. I feel ashamed, though, of reading news stories about real boys' accidents, such as drowning, drug overdoses, anaphylaxis, ectr. because then it appears I'm taking pleasure in something real and sad. I've also spent hours reading real moms' discussions with doctors about their sick or injured teen sons on JustAnswer.com. Somehow, life reached the point where my pleasures chiefly revolved around teen boys in movies and photos and whump, something I needed to cope.
My background (obviously reveals the root causes of all this): I've been sheltered all my life. Never met or got to interact with real teen boys as a teen. Have no brothers and altogether almost zero experiences with teen boys. Also, I really, really long to have a teenage son someday. I am romantically attracted to handsome men my age, as well, and hope to get married. But the enchantment with "pretty" adolescent males remains. I hurt because I feel like I missed out on so much since I didn't get to have a normal adolescence.
@limeBunny4364
Thank you so much for sharing this with us and being so open about what you're dealing with. According to Wikipedia, the definition of ephebophilia is the primary sexual interest in mid-to-late adolescents, generally ages 15 to 19. You mentioned that you had no sexual interest in male teens.
You also mentioned "My background (obviously reveals the root causes of all this): I've been sheltered all my life. Never met or got to interact with real teen boys as a teen. Have no brothers and altogether almost zero experiences with teen boys."
That makes sense as to why you would have these fascinations towards male teens because you never got to experience or interact with teen males in your teen life. I'm no professional and I don't know a lot about attraction towards adolescents on a personal level, but to me, it sounds like you're very curious about them because of these reasons.
@Jenna Thanks for being so compassionate, you brought tears to my eyes. People on Reddit were saying I might wind up in jail cuz of this; someone even thought I might become a mom who makes her child sick on purpose. I know in my heart I would never hurt a kid. It's true that I would like to be the one to help a teen if something happened, but I would never want to cause the emergency or do them harm. I also do NOT view teens as potential sexual partners or want them to be. I feel like people can be quick to jump to conclusions.
