lonelyneuroticsquirrel307 Member Profile

...See more She says she cares says she loves me actually i know she does in my heart *** we've been together for 7 years married for 5 yet but in my own *** up head I feel like there's always this dark cloud hovering over me constantly dumping on me from my past actions and choices and words. Loyalty is never an issue but forgiveness clearly is. I battle with depression anxiety . I have zero family I have scrappy selfish "friends" heavy on the quotations. Im the one always left to figure *** out .. what happened to being a team... why is leaving always so quick ... why tell me i dont understand or not listening when I'm not stupid im not deaf im depressed and feel constantly alone all while she constantly hangs up on me. Tells me shes over talking about the same "***". Our living situation has forced us apart due to her employment that I fully support but why was I not worth more to figure a situation out that wouldn't jeopardize my soberity why keep trying to push me onto people who won't help . Not that they cant but they straight up won't so here I am stuck living 2000 miles apart which is supposedly only for 6 months which each day that passes which btw has only been two weeks im made to be felt sooner the better I already sit in a bedroom by myself. Not in my own comfort. Not with my 3 other dogs which sucks as well cuz I have one out of four dogs and I watch him become depressed. I've tried getting him new toys.. new treats.. try to take him for walks but even my little guy can not stand the humidity and the bugs that are just there no which way you turn or time of day or night it is. I do appreciate the chance of rekindling a 30 year friendship but it is rather frustrating when you try to communicate and im either cut off , left to be made whatever I say is criticized, or that im an inconvience. 10 years ago I was dealing with the end of a *** up situationship ...9 years ago I worked hard and was on top of world... 8 years ago I got lost in the party scene.. 7 years ago I met the best thing in my life.. and from there till 2 and a half years ago I took it for granted... I did not match my words with actions... I *** up so bad and knew it i even gave up on myself several times including an attempt 9 months ago which the person in charge of my life book said nope again its not time to exit the stage... I've came far... but I still struggle with my anger... I still choose relaxing or doing other stuff then worry about a deep cleaned house lil moments and memories matter to me ive always been one who would rather spend time n make moments then live in this superficial world caring what others may think if they come in the house... not like the house is ever trashed... I love her... my life is ***... pretty sure she feeds me *** to prevent me from harming myself.. to prevent having fights.. she holds my past over me... even if it was a month ago how many times can one say im sorry how can one show different 2000 *** miles away ... Dont show depression... dont show negativity.. literally everything that brings me happiness is 2000 miles away and hangs up on me when she gets mad and wants everything her way due to her boundaries and happiness.. Isn't relationships suppose to be full of support, listening ears, compromise, understanding, teamwork, not getting so angry, dont assume... When did relationships get so over complicated???

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