Losing now
I've been trying to get clean since late 2022 .. from 2014-2017 I was hardcore into cocaine... it stopped working so I stepped up and started meth late 2017. Met my an amazing person who i married. Battled getting clean she stood by my side thru years of addiction. Black outs. Mental breakdowns. Anger. Being dope sick until I got the next fix. In 2022 after my grandma passed away unexpectedly from cancer It was finally time for me to get clean. So we moved to wyoming. There I did good for first 6 months then I fell into the same crowd and relapsed. I've officially been clean since December 5, 2024 and I feel like I just keep loosing more n more since I started this sober journey then I ever lost while I was getting high all day and all night never being home with my family
How does that work
What incentive do I even have left to not say *** this and go back to my old ways and get high...
@lonelyneuroticsquirrel307 your story is so relatable to me as I went through the same. You have done the hardest part owning upto all that. In my recovery I found I had to face the underlying issue as to why I was escaping reality and that is tough. I then did 3 months of intense boxing (to release the anger of the pain I caused everyone) and hikes and gym every single day until I was happy at the person in the mirror. Recovery is a life long battle. You have got this and I believe in you. And by the sounds your wife does too that should be enough reason to crush this. She didn't let you down so what better way to pay her back by giving her a he best version of yourself. Stay strong
We are currently living 2000 miles apart because she feels i still dont appreciate her, treat her the way she deserves, respect her boundaries. I try I really do but after I quit the drugs I was left to face my emotions that I worked hard to hide and protect from ever becoming vulnerable.. now I try to express myself and be open and its like im pushing her away farther. I understand she gave alot and lost alot being with an active addict for all them years she cant forgive my past actions cant let them go says I have to prove to her that I can mentally and emotionally handel life on my own.. how do I do that without my dogs or my biggest support by my side....ifeel its one sided and I have to be fake I continously am giving up or loosing myself or what's important to me more now that im sober then I ever did while on drugs.
@lonelyneuroticsquirrel307 I see how this can be a hard thing to deal with and I can relate to the thought of relapse would be a big part of your coping mechanism. But we both know the only way this situation can get worse is take a step back to that filthy drug. Proving your accountability and vulnerability to your wife would probably mean the world to her and Is atleast the right step in the right direction. Recovery is life long and fixing the damage we caused during the time of use takes along time also. But it is all so worth while once you see the other side. Life can only get better.
Just exhausted of trying to prove myself every day all day people have bad days people take anger out on unnecessary people especially our loved ones. We had an argument a month or so before I moved. I did something stupid an action ive done while under the influence of being high and also when I was drunk we were in the car she was driving and she wasn't listening to me and I was getting pist and I perked the steering wheel... idfk why I did it. I just get so tired of not having no control of anything. It's her apartment. It's her car. It's always about her job. It's always about what solely makes her happy. It's how I cant hold a job. How i am no help to our finances. And everytime any thing serious gets brought up its shut down on her end me trying everything in my power to get her to pick up her phone cuz what else am I gonna do 2000 miles away. I literally have lost control or even a grasp of even the slightest thing to hold onto its allllll in her hands and she gets to control weather its okay or not okay for us to talk about things when to talk about it have the same topic conversation repeatedly tells me how I feel or think when most of the time shes wrong do you see how much easier it would be just to go back to the drugs and solely care only for myself at least I was functioning. I worked 10-15 hour days... I had a new car... my bills were paid... I had a savings.... I lost it all over time of me trying to get clean. She doesn't see what ive lost or given up. But she says the same about me.. I just feel so *** lost... lonely cuz I dont have real friends or even family I literally have her and my dogs thats the brightest aspects in my life
@lonelyneuroticsquirrel307 that is a very tough situation and I see your pain. There might be some other listeners that are more qualified to shed some deeper light to her behavior in all that. Because again I went through very similar and there was more to the story. Regardless of the situation with your wife giving up and getting back on the gear won't do your life or mental health any good. And if I know meth it takes lives fast. And there is more to life then letting a rock dictate everything you do. When I was on the gear that had all the power over me. I also found it hard to have friends after only because I had to let them all go as to not be around it. It's never going to be easy but boy is it rewarding
you got it bro my girl is the same way in aspects we’ll get through it I started heavily doing coke around 2014 when my mom died up till now currently still struggling with my addiction not nearly as bad but still so I relate a whole lot to your story I don’t want any advice as I am dealing with the same *** but I will tell you this you sure not alone me you and I’m sure thousands if not millions of people are suffering from similar situations it takes strength to be able to talk about it I’m praying we get through the storm to the sunshine in hopes of a better future our kids is all we got wether we like it our actions reflect on their perception and can effect them in ways later of life we have yet to determine so we gotta learn to live for them so one day when we dead and gone we can live in them and still be able to give them the comfort they seek in spirit God bless you one love
you got it bro my girl is the same way in aspects we’ll get through it I started heavily doing coke around 2014 when my mom died up till now currently still struggling with my addiction not nearly as bad but still so I relate a whole lot to your story I don’t want any advice as I am dealing with the same *** but I will tell you this you sure not alone me you and I’m sure thousands if not millions of people are suffering from similar situations it takes strength to be able to talk about it I’m praying we get through the storm to the sunshine in hopes of a better future our kids is all we got wether we like it our actions reflect on their perception and can effect them in ways later of life we have yet to determine so we gotta learn to live for them so one day when we dead and gone we can live in them and still be able to give them the comfort they seek in spirit God bless you one love