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loyalRaven9908
398 M Embraced 3
PathStep 4 Compassion hearts19 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes8 Current upvotes8 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2022 Member sinceApril 7, 2021
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Boyfriend's dad hates me
Family & Caregivers / by loyalRaven9908
Last post
 December 29th, 2021
...See more Hello everyone. First of all, thank you to every beautiful human being reading this and also to have this opportunity to tell my story to someone. It will be probably a long story so I understand if you won't read the whole thing. However, I highly appreciate you for at least clicking on this post. In the beginning (1 and half year back) everything seemed to be OK. When I was about to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time, I was quite nervous because I knew how they love him a how attached they are to him. Especially his dad. During the first visit I tried to be as respectful and friendly as possible, asked about them to get to know them better, listened to everything what they wanted to say to me. After the visit I had a good feeling because it seemed like they also liked me. But then maybe after a week I was surprised about what my boyfriend's dad said to him personally. To his dad it seemed like I was 'too much' and that I was acting as if I knew them for 10 years. He probably wanted me to be more respectful and timid. He was judging my behavior and looks from the day one. I was sad because according to his behavior nothing was suggesting such feelings and he didn't tell me anything. Then I was speaking with my bf and he told me more about his dad. He is a little be of a lonely person who loves his two sons a lot. He doesn't have many friends, he is not satisfied with his marriage, he judges his wife's looks all the time and expects people around him to admire him, be grateful for him and act according to what he considers as right (without people having a clue about it). He probably feels like he is left out and expects his 2 adult sons to include him into their activities (without him telling them about it - because 'they should have already known that he wants to do it too'). A year ago, me, my bf and his dad went hiking together. We wanted him to go with us because he likes hiking and we wanted to include him so he doesn't feel left out. I kept in mind that I should be quieter and respectful and to be 'too much'. I love hiking but I am also a little bit afraid of such activities. For many years I had knee problems, I undergone 4 surgeries and I need to be careful with some movements. The hiking started off easy but then the terrain became more difficult. I was becoming more anxious because it took me longer to get through certain paths and the terrain wasn't good either. I was scared that my knee would get dislocated any time I took a bad step. At one point of the hiking I fell into a little creek. I got scared ... and then I had panic attack. I was trying so hard to hide it so my bf's father wouldn't see me like this but the more I was trying to hide it the more intensive it was becoming. I couldn't breath. I went to my bf immediately as it was the only thing I could do at the moment. His dad was just standing there not knowing what to do. I guess none of us knew. The only thing I wanted to do was to calm myself. Happily, we finished the hiking and because I knew that my bf's father probably didn't understand what happened I tried to explain to him. He seemed like he was OK and understood what happened. Later I found out this wasn't true. Again, later he talked privately to my boyfriend saying to him that he felt like an idiot there and he didn't know what I was crying for, because according to him I only fell into a little puddle. He didn't understand what is anxiety or panic attack and since now he 'doesn't believe in such things and they are stupidity'. This has broken me. I felt ashamed and weak for what happened, This was the first time I started questioning whether I should visit my bf's parents or not. Then I made another mistake. My bf's parents tended to call him a lot for help. I didn't understand why are they calling only him since he has an older brother who can help them too. My bf had a lot of work and was often nervous when his parents called him. So I told my bf that his parents should accept that he wouldn't be there for them every time and they shouldn't ask for help so often and instead learn some things on their own. I forgot to say, that I meant it in a way that they also have second son who can help them. I didn't want to make them feel that I am stealing their son and telling them not to call him. To me it just wasn't fair that they put all the work on my bf. When my bf was personally with his dad, he told his dad that they shouldn't call him so often. This made his dad ferocious. When I was speaking with my bf about this I immediately knew this is a huge misunderstanding and wanted to call his father immediately. I apologized and explained how it was meant. Then he started a 10 minute long monologue about how he is his parent and he should be his son's priority and I am basically no one. After that I apologized again and said that I am sorry. The whole situation calmed itself somehow and all of us moved on. Or at least I thought so. But I didn't give up. Approx. half a year ago my bf's dad had birthday. He always wanted a big party in a garden with grill and good music. I told my boyfriend that we will do it for him so he feels appreciated and also as a way of saying him 'thank you'. Everyone gave him all their attention so he would be satisfied. It was great and I thought this will be the ice-breaker although now I wasn't completely sure with anything anymore. For the last half a year nothing specific has happened and I thought the whole 'hate thing' is over. Until after Christmas my bf had a huge argument with his dad about me. His dad basically doesn't approve of me as a whole - both physically nd mentally. He judges me for my looks (I have bigger hips, nose, forehead etc.), for what happened during the hiking and that he won't forgive me for what I said about his son not being there for him. He says that he imagined a different girlfriend for his son. He says that I manipulated his son (although when he was asked how I manipulate he didn't say anything). When my bf told him that I am saying to him to go home and stay there longer so he can help his parents, his dad didn't believe it. He probably views me as some bad mentally unstable witch who stole his son. My bf stood for me all the time and held my side. I am so grateful for him. Now I don't know what to do. I lost all the hope and I don't believe my bf's dad anymore. I've been crying for 2 days now...I am sad that in front of me he seems OK but then when I am away he says these hurtful things. I've had enough. I've had enough trying and working this out when all I see is hate towards me. He keeps making things up which are not true. What can I do now? Should I write him a message saying that I am sorry for everything and grateful for all the gifts and other things he gave me or should I rather be quiet and keep my distance? Thanks to everyone who read the whole thing. <3
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Intrusive and negative thoughts about relationship
Anxiety Support / by loyalRaven9908
Last post
 August 31st, 2021
...See more Hello everyone! So... I'm 24 and from what I remember, I've always had intrusive and negative thouths. It's like my mind is extremely used to them and when I try to think positively, it is almost unnatural and it feels weird. These thoughts vary in their "theme". For example that something will end up very badly. But currently these thoughts are about my relationship. I have the most perfect boyfriend. Yet I am scared of him leaving me or cheating on me. Past few days I was reading a lot of articles about how monogamous relationship are unnatural and now I am scared that what if I will become boring and he will find some other girl? Mainly after several years of relationship. I was chated on before by a different BF and it hurt so much that I am afraid that it will happen again. Also I feel a lot of anger within me. But I don't know how to let it out. Currently, the anger is about me not being identified with the role of a future mother. I am not pregnant or anything, I just don't see myself as being a mother. And I am angry at men because women get through a lot of pain, our bodies change drastically after pregnancy, our confidence may become low and men will still look at other younger women because they are beautiful. It's just so unfair to be a woman because once we are less attractive or tired, men will look elsewhere to seek their pleasure. Either by staring at other women or approaching them to have sex. And now that I wrote this down I feel so ashamed. My mind is extremely negativistic. I tried mindfulness but it didn't work. I feel helpless.
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Depression kills me
Depression Support / by loyalRaven9908
Last post
 April 10th, 2021
...See more Hello. My name is Michaela. Since I was a child, I was always very dreamy a felt everything more intensively. When I was 12 or so, for the first time I experienced anxiety. Back then I didn't know what that was and my mum thought I am simulating. This anxiety came from a lot of things - classmates bullied me for being different, my family got into lots of arguments and my self-confidence was very low from what I can remember. Even though I tried to be optimistic, at high school everything changed. I lost some of my friends and although I tried to be optimistic, I started to lose strength. Currently I am dealing with a cocktail of negative emotions. I have difficulty sleep. I am in a relationship and I blame myself for being this unhappy. I overthink a lit and look ak situations very negatively. Sometimes I even think about making everything come into an end... But at the same time I do not want to. I feel like my head will explode because there are always some thoughts. Especially negative ones. And they really affect my relationships and things that I love to do. As time goes, everything becomes more difficult. I cannot find joy in activities that I used to love. My life becomes bland, sad and dull. Even now, I am trying to get myself to sleep, but I couldn't. But although I tried so many times, I believe that one day something will change. I believe in all of us, who are struggling. It is good to know we are not alone in this and that we can share our experience. We can help each other. We are strong.
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