loyalTangerine3293 Member Profile

...See more My relationship has been emotionally exhausting for a very long time, and I think the saddest part is that I still can’t fully leave even after feeling this broken for so long. In the beginning, things were different. Whenever we fought, he used to calm me down and make me feel understood. But slowly, everything changed. We would fight, he’d go to sleep peacefully, and I’d stay awake the entire night crying, overthinking, sending long messages, begging him to just understand what I was feeling. Then the next morning he’d act normal like nothing even happened, while I was still emotionally shattered from the night before. I tried explaining myself in every possible way. I cried, got angry, shouted, stayed calm, broke down completely, wrote long paragraphs, stayed patient, tried giving space — I genuinely tried everything just to make him understand what was hurting me. But somehow, nothing ever really changed. I never wanted expensive gifts or huge gestures. I just wanted emotional support, reassurance, communication, and effort. I wanted him to express his feelings sometimes and make me feel emotionally safe and loved. But most of the time, he would avoid emotional conversations or emotionally shut down completely. Little by little, something changed inside me too. My attachment became painful instead of comforting. I started feeling emotionally lonely even while being in the relationship. At one point, I started talking to some boys too, but not for attention, flirting, or another relationship. I had already told every one of them that I was in a relationship. I only wanted friendship and emotional support because I was mentally and emotionally struggling a lot at that time. I just needed someone who would listen to me, someone I could talk to when I felt completely alone inside my own relationship. And the important thing is — I never hid it from him. I told him honestly. He asked me to block everyone and said things would become fine after that. So within a day or two, I blocked them because somewhere I believed him. I thought maybe if I did that, maybe things between us would finally get better. But even after that, nothing really changed. I still kept feeling emotionally alone. And that’s what hurts the most. Because despite everything, I became deeply attached to him. So attached that even when I want to leave, I can’t fully do it. He never fully leaves either. No matter how bad things get, he always comes back, keeps trying to talk somehow, and says he just wants us to stay together. And maybe that’s what confuses me the most — sometimes it feels like he loves me, but at the same time, it doesn’t feel like he genuinely wants to fix the things that keep hurting me. It feels more like he just doesn’t want me to leave. Sometimes he says the sweetest things, and for a moment I feel maybe everything can finally become okay. But then his words start feeling empty again because somewhere inside me, I still remember all the nights I cried alone while begging for emotional support. I think I’ve become emotionally exhausted now. My patience feels broken. The love is still there somewhere, but the emotional strength to keep suffering like this isn’t. And the worst part is — I can neither fully stay nor fully leave. I’m just tired of feeling emotionally alone with someone who says he loves me.

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