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lucifalls
1 402 M Embraced 3
PathStep 8 Compassion hearts23 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2024 Member sinceDecember 1, 2020
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Constant Paranoia
Anxiety Support / by lucifalls
Last post
 November 14th, 2024
...See more Being off my meds sucks so bad, my paranoia has skyrocketed in the past two days and every interaction I have feels so... Wrong. I come away from a completely normal and mundane exchange feeling like I ruined any chance of that person tolerating me haha. This extends to my partner which is honestly extremely rough. They're going through a hard time and I don't want to make them deal with my brain being the way that it is, so I haven't been bringing it up and have been trying to act normally... Which is going pretty badly. It feels like I have no control over how I interact with people in some way? Like a train whose brakes broke and is forced to keep coasting down some rails that are leading to the worst possible scenario. I don't want to lose my partner because I'm anxious and paranoid over everything, they're going through enough already and I should honestly just leave them alone before I ruin our relationship.
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Scared and struggling
Anxiety Support / by lucifalls
Last post
 November 10th, 2024
...See more I've been slowly weaning off of cymbalta for the past few weeks now, and its been literal *** on earth. The sudden tidal wave of paranoia, depression, and self hate alone is really hard to deal with, but when its being paired with constant extreme dizziness, fatigue, and brain fog from the withdrawl? Its unbearable. I'm trying to get put on a different antidepressant that has been pretty successful with treating the rest of my family, which is why I'm stopping the medication in the first place. It worked pretty well for all its worth, but its just so unforgiving if you sleep in maybe an hour or so past the time you needed to take it and whatnot. That aside, I was managing the anxiety and paranoia and all that pretty well, but today seems to have just knocked me through a loop. I don't want to talk to anyone, be around them, etc because I'm terrified that they all secretly hate me and don't want me around. I think its honestly gone beyond a fear for me at this point and is trying to ingrain itself in my reality. This happens pretty frequently whenever I'm not medicated and its honestly just such a struggle. I see the logic where it is and try to acknowledge it, but my anxiety really just tries to get the better of me no matter what the logic says. I keep catching myself at all hours thinking about how much I hate myself, how I deserve to be hated, and that other people shouldn't have to be subjected to existing on the same plane as me. I don't want to do any of the work that I need to do because it feels like anything I put out into the world right now is just terrible. The fact that I exist on this earth right now and am subjecting other people to my presence is revolting to me and I can't get it to stop no matter how logical I'm trying to be about this. I don't want to ask my partner for help because they're going through enough already, and I don't want to be needy or bother them. I feel like I'm enough of a burden on them already. I'll make it through the day, the week, the rest of my life. I'm 1000000% not at risk of su*cide, so please don't think this is an emergency or something that might lead to me offing myself. I've seen what its done to my family before, and I'm not willing to put anyone through that. I'll get through this life off of stubbornness and spite alone if I have to. I'm just struggling
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