Scared and struggling
I've been slowly weaning off of cymbalta for the past few weeks now, and its been literal *** on earth.
The sudden tidal wave of paranoia, depression, and self hate alone is really hard to deal with, but when its being paired with constant extreme dizziness, fatigue, and brain fog from the withdrawl? Its unbearable.
I'm trying to get put on a different antidepressant that has been pretty successful with treating the rest of my family, which is why I'm stopping the medication in the first place.
It worked pretty well for all its worth, but its just so unforgiving if you sleep in maybe an hour or so past the time you needed to take it and whatnot.
That aside,
I was managing the anxiety and paranoia and all that pretty well, but today seems to have just knocked me through a loop.
I don't want to talk to anyone, be around them, etc because I'm terrified that they all secretly hate me and don't want me around. I think its honestly gone beyond a fear for me at this point and is trying to ingrain itself in my reality.
This happens pretty frequently whenever I'm not medicated and its honestly just such a struggle. I see the logic where it is and try to acknowledge it, but my anxiety really just tries to get the better of me no matter what the logic says.
I keep catching myself at all hours thinking about how much I hate myself, how I deserve to be hated, and that other people shouldn't have to be subjected to existing on the same plane as me. I don't want to do any of the work that I need to do because it feels like anything I put out into the world right now is just terrible.
The fact that I exist on this earth right now and am subjecting other people to my presence is revolting to me and I can't get it to stop no matter how logical I'm trying to be about this.
I don't want to ask my partner for help because they're going through enough already, and I don't want to be needy or bother them. I feel like I'm enough of a burden on them already.
I'll make it through the day, the week, the rest of my life. I'm 1000000% not at risk of su*cide, so please don't think this is an emergency or something that might lead to me offing myself. I've seen what its done to my family before, and I'm not willing to put anyone through that. I'll get through this life off of stubbornness and spite alone if I have to.
I'm just struggling
@lucifalls I'm really sorry you're going through this, and I want to acknowledge how hard this must be. The physical and emotional toll of withdrawing from medication is so much to handle, and it makes sense that you're feeling overwhelmed. It's okay to struggle—you're not weak for feeling this way. The fact that you're recognizing your anxiety and self-criticism shows that you're still holding on, even when it feels unbearable.
I want to remind you that you don't have to carry this burden alone. Even though you're hesitant to ask for help, your partner and the people who care about you would rather know what you're going through than see you suffer in silence. You matter, even on the days when you feel like you don't. It's completely understandable to want to push people away, but reaching out might actually bring you the support you need. You’re stronger than you think, and this period will pass, even though it’s really hard right now. Please continue to be gentle with yourself. You’ve got this, one step at a time ❤️
