Constant Paranoia
Being off my meds sucks so bad, my paranoia has skyrocketed in the past two days and every interaction I have feels so... Wrong.
I come away from a completely normal and mundane exchange feeling like I ruined any chance of that person tolerating me haha.
This extends to my partner which is honestly extremely rough. They're going through a hard time and I don't want to make them deal with my brain being the way that it is, so I haven't been bringing it up and have been trying to act normally... Which is going pretty badly.
It feels like I have no control over how I interact with people in some way? Like a train whose brakes broke and is forced to keep coasting down some rails that are leading to the worst possible scenario.
I don't want to lose my partner because I'm anxious and paranoid over everything, they're going through enough already and I should honestly just leave them alone before I ruin our relationship.
@lucifalls I’m really sorry you're feeling this way right now. It sounds like you're going through an incredibly challenging time, and I can only imagine how overwhelming it must be to experience such intense paranoia and anxiety. It’s clear that you care deeply about your partner and don’t want to add to their stress, but it’s also important to remember that they care about you too, and they may want to be there for you through this.
Being off your meds can be incredibly difficult, and it can make everything feel like it’s spiraling out of control. Your feelings of paranoia and the fear that you're pushing people away are real, but they don't necessarily reflect what others are actually thinking. Often, anxiety can make us misread situations and interactions, but that doesn’t mean you’ve ruined anything. It’s understandable to want to act “normally” for your partner’s sake, but keeping everything bottled up can make it harder for both of you in the long run.
I believe that you can work through this and regain a sense of control over your interactions, but it might take some time and support. Be gentle with yourself. Paranoia and anxiety can distort things, but they don’t define you or your worth. If you can, consider talking to a professional to help guide you through this transition while you work on finding a way back to your meds, or to alternative strategies for managing these feelings 💛
