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maristrying
1,602 M Little Steps 6
PathStep 15 Compassion hearts58 Forum posts10 Forum upvotes15 Current upvotes15 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2024 Member sinceDecember 10, 2023
Bio

I’m 20 

I love books


Recent forum posts
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SA - ED
Trauma Support / by maristrying
Last post
 March 11th, 2024
...See more I feel like I’m re-living a never ending cycle. After I was raped I started counting calories and I lost weight (and hair too) but this was five years ago. I was feeling so much better last year and then a therapist triggered me horribly. My ptsd became unbearable and I couldn’t live with myself. I am better now but I’m counting calories again. Maybe that’s why I’m feeling better, maybe I need something to obsess over other than my trauma. I just feel like I can’t stop it and I would if I knew how. also I can’t go to therapy again I really can’t. I’m so afraid it will trigger my ptsd. The last time was so draining and tiring and I just can’t do it again. 
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S/A - Am I ever going to get over this?
Trauma Support / by maristrying
Last post
 December 31st, 2023
...See more It’s been almost 5 years and I’m getting tired of waiting. I don’t know what else to do. Some days I’m good and then other days I feel weak. I can’t even hear the word “rape” without freezing. I can’t have a relationship. I can’t be the person I was before neither the one I was supposed to be. I wonder if I’m ever going to heal. If I’m going to trust someone ever again. I wonder if I’m ever going to be able to say it, to tell someone what really happened. Im done with this. I don’t want to feel and I don’t want to remember and I don’t want to be the victim nor the survivor. I wish it didn’t happened. I don’t feel stronger and I don’t feel capable of letting it go. Ever. I wish I could change that night. I don’t even look at anyone in the face (in the street or uni) cause I’m scared it will be him. I’m scared and I feel so alone in this. I wish I couldn’t remember. I don’t know how to deal with this and I don’t want to deal with this. I wish I didn’t have to deal with this. I swear I’ve tried everything and I don’t know what else to do.
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SA// what makes you feel better?
Trauma Support / by maristrying
Last post
 December 11th, 2023
...See more I like to watch law and order svu when I’m felling alone cause I’ve never talk about this with any friend but it’s not working for me now. I don’t know what else to do. Should I write it? Tell someone? Are the details important? Should someone know them? Should I try to forget? 
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