SA - ED
I feel like I’m re-living a never ending cycle. After I was raped I started counting calories and I lost weight (and hair too) but this was five years ago. I was feeling so much better last year and then a therapist triggered me horribly. My ptsd became unbearable and I couldn’t live with myself. I am better now but I’m counting calories again. Maybe that’s why I’m feeling better, maybe I need something to obsess over other than my trauma. I just feel like I can’t stop it and I would if I knew how.
also I can’t go to therapy again I really can’t. I’m so afraid it will trigger my ptsd. The last time was so draining and tiring and I just can’t do it again.
@maristrying
I'm truly sorry to hear that you're going through such a challenging time. It's evident that you've been through a lot and that your journey toward healing has had its ups and downs. It's important to acknowledge your strength in navigating these difficulties. Counting calories can sometimes provide a sense of control amid chaos, but it's crucial to recognize when it becomes a coping mechanism that might not be serving your overall well-being. It might be beneficial to explore alternative ways to channel your energy and focus, considering activities that contribute positively to your mental and physical health.
If therapy is not an option right now, there are also various helplines and online communities where you can connect with others who have experienced similar struggles. If you'd be interested in those I'd be happy to share. It's okay to prioritize your mental health and to approach healing in a way that feels safe for you. If you ever feel overwhelmed or in need of immediate assistance, don't hesitate to reach out to a listener or in this forum. You are not alone, and there are people who care about your well-being.
I get it I’ve struggled with eating disorders my whole life bc of sexual abuse and rape and violence
don’t be so hard on yourself
you do it bc you’re traumatized
it’s not bc you are a bad person or should be judged
I believe you and I know you have been thru a lot
please take care of yourself but don’t try to push yourself too hard either
love yourself
irs a process
it’s not easy
I struggled with it for a long time too
but It wasn’t your fault
and it wasn’t mine either