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navyEyes1271
1 90 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts8 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2021 Member sinceAugust 20, 2021
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Memories and lack there of
Trauma Support / by navyEyes1271
Last post
 August 20th, 2021
...See more TW Ive been sexually abused more than a few times. When I was around 3-5 years old, I was molested. The distinctive memories aren’t there, since I was so young, but I know it happened. I know it was someone my mom trusted, but I don’t know exactly who it was. It’s a struggle not being able to definitely remember if it happened. Sometimes I think I made it up. When I was in first or second grade, my mom was dating this man who was a recovering addict. He lived in an all male sober house and we would stay the night there sometimes. One night they sent me to sleep in the room next to her boyfriends, so they could have alone time. When I woke up, it was still dark out and there was a strange man cuddled up next to me. Again I don’t fully remember if he abused me but it seems very possible he did. Every time we went back I would force myself to stay awake until the car ride home out of fear something would happen again. Jump to seventh grade, I was hanging out with my then boyfriend at his house. He decided he wanted to finger me, he didn’t ask for permission, but I also didn’t stop him. I think about that experience a lot, trying to figure out if it was assault or not. I still don’t really know to be honest. And the most recent was last summer, I was dating this guy, he coaxed me into having sex with him while I was near blackout drunk. We dated for four months, and I was sober for probably two of the times we had sex. He was sober 90% of the time. as someone who has both vivid and completely blanked memories, I can say both of them are extremely hard to deal with. The fear of not knowing what really happened to you weighs a ton. But the memories of what happened doesn’t make it any better. At this point I’m trying hard not to dwell on the past, because it can’t be changed. But I’m also trying not to hold everything in. Thank you for reading my story I guess, I needed to get it out into the open.
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Recently diagnosed and going through a rough patch
Trauma Support / by navyEyes1271
Last post
 August 20th, 2021
...See more Its not super surprising that I was diagnosed seeing as I’ve been through countless traumatic experiences in my short 15 years of life, but I don’t really know what to do with my diagnosis. My mother ( who has caused a lot of my trauma) doesn’t take it seriously or understand how much it effects me. Up until recently she’s been doing really good in the sense of controlling her anger and being conscious about her words and actions, but for the past few weeks I feel like she’s gone back to her old self. And since I noticed, I’ve been completely on edge. Tearing up when she raises her voice, flashbacks of how she used to be, things like that. I want to tell her that how’s she’s been acting is hurting me, but I’m scared half to death to confront her. Is there any advice on dealing with this by myself or ways to tell her without her being able to twist it into a “personal attack”?
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