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nbrollins
1 96 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts7 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2019 Member sinceSeptember 25, 2019
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I really don't know how to get over past trauma in new relationship
Trauma Support / by nbrollins
Last post
 October 14th, 2019
...See more I'm 22 and I've been dating a guy for a couple months now. I know he wants sex but I don't know if I'm ready, but I'm scared he's gonna leave if we don't. A little background...in my childhood, my dad abused mom, he was bipolar, and got mad easily, and would scream, punch holes in walls, etc. He was huge on sports, and would make me practice all the time. He would tell at me until I cried, and when I cried he would get mad and throw things like a baseball glove or basketball at me and insult me. My parents divorced when I was 12, and my dad and 2 older brothers left. My mom was an alcoholic so I basically raised my 2 younger brothers. Freshman year of college, I got drunk at a party and ended up being raped. I have not been with a guy since then...until now. I don't know what to do. I never feel good enough, and I don't know why he would want me. I have trust issues, intimacy issues, vulnerability issues, depression and anxiety. I am very insecure about my body and don't know how to be loved by somebody. I want to move forward, but I'm scared and don't want to be hurt anymore. I am so closed off I don't know what to do. I'm so good at pushing people away even though I don't want to. I really like this guy, and he makes me feel safe, but this is so hard for me, and I don't want to push him away. I don't know how to move forward and be truly loved.
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