I really don't know how to get over past trauma in new relationship
I'm 22 and I've been dating a guy for a couple months now. I know he wants sex but I don't know if I'm ready, but I'm scared he's gonna leave if we don't. A little background...in my childhood, my dad abused mom, he was bipolar, and got mad easily, and would scream, punch holes in walls, etc. He was huge on sports, and would make me practice all the time. He would tell at me until I cried, and when I cried he would get mad and throw things like a baseball glove or basketball at me and insult me. My parents divorced when I was 12, and my dad and 2 older brothers left. My mom was an alcoholic so I basically raised my 2 younger brothers. Freshman year of college, I got drunk at a party and ended up being raped. I have not been with a guy since then...until now. I don't know what to do. I never feel good enough, and I don't know why he would want me. I have trust issues, intimacy issues, vulnerability issues, depression and anxiety. I am very insecure about my body and don't know how to be loved by somebody. I want to move forward, but I'm scared and don't want to be hurt anymore. I am so closed off I don't know what to do. I'm so good at pushing people away even though I don't want to. I really like this guy, and he makes me feel safe, but this is so hard for me, and I don't want to push him away. I don't know how to move forward and be truly loved.
@nbrollins You've found something good, and it sounds like your past makes you fearful of that. Just being in a relationship despite the past takes a certain strength. We're here for you, nbrollins <3 Does your new partner understand about your trauma?
@nbrollins my honest advice to you would be that if your partner loves you then they will wait for you to feel comfortable with the next step in your relationship. If they pressure you then please walk away. I have gotten into a relationship in the past were I was pressured and it led to abuse, and at best it will lead to resentment on your part. You both have to be ready and you both need to be able to talk about your boundaries in getting to that point, and when you are ready, what you need to make it feel safe. I really recommend you work though the boundaries self help guide here on cups. It's the best/short way of explaining what a healthy relationship should and shouldn't be to give you some practicle sense of what I am saying here:
https://www.7cups.com/boundaries/
I hope the best for you 
