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neutralbeige01
214 M Embraced 2
PathStep 9 Compassion hearts39 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes10 Current upvotes10 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2022 Member sinceSeptember 20, 2022
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i am giving up on my parents.
Family & Caregivers / by neutralbeige01
Last post
 September 21st, 2022
...See more tw: abuse, suicide i am a young adult whose parents did horrible things to me as a child. i suffer from the recollection of these memories and the ongoing mistreatment i experience from still living with them. i have confronted them about my feelings several times as a child and adolescent and they tell me "thats just the kind of person i am" or a really long winded version of "it's your fault." and the most recent time i spilled my heart out about my feelings but got told it is still my fault was literally two days ago. im tired of this cycle. i try to be someone else to appease them and avoid conflict so they dont hurt me or verbally belittle me. but its exhausting. sometimes that doesnt work either. interacting with my parents feels like walking on eggshells. i am a couple months clean of self harm. but last night the intrusive thoughts came back because of the memories and recent events. im okay now but im here because im trying to rationalize my thoughts. im tired of trying to have a good friendly relationship with my parents who do nothing but call me "ungrateful" or a "bitch" or that my entire existence is a financial burden, and yet they still say they love me. i dont do anything to deliberately disrespect my parents i just want them to appreciate me and all ive ever done is try to please them my entire life. but im done. im tired. i barely even know who i am around them and others. my parents havent changed in over a decade. im tired of giving them a million chances. im tired of the little girl who is still inside my heart who thinks they will turn around one day but gets her heart broken every single time. i just want to be me and i want to be happy. i am moving out in 4 months. my father is pressuring me to stay longer for the sake of my siblings. they are 15, 16 and 19. they arent helpless and they definitely dont need me. but i want to leave. i just want to keep things civil but im not trying to be friends with the people who made me feel worthless. my mother blames me for her weight and appearance and always bodyshames me. she calls me names. i told my father and he went on a whole thing about the things she does to him but says "it is what it is" and that i have to make up with her. then he will go on to telling me my emotions are pointless. i cant keep running myself into the dirt for nothing. i just want to be free. i just want to be seen by someone who understands and will tell me everything will be okay.
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