opeopeope Member Profile

...See more Let me tell you something, I wasn't always this desperate. I was absolutely fine with being single, hell, I preferred it, until all of my friend magically got boyfriends and began to exclude me from stuff because of it. Now whenever I see something even slightly cute, I find myself longing for the same type of companionship that my friends have acheived. More specifically, with one of my friends. About a year ago, my friends constantly badgered me about how one of my close guy friends liked me. It was so subtle and consistent that I believed it and somehow brainwashed myself into liking him too (which I believe is the outcome of my desperation but I am not sure). So I ended up liking him and getting all silly and dumb around him but definetly not telling him. I told a couple of my friends about it and I think that they are the only ones who know, but I am not sure because one of them is quite notorious for telling secrets. Anyway, a couple weeks later, the dude that my friends told me that he likes me (makes sense?) told us that he liked someone else, and he seemed kind of blushy about it. My friends eagerly brushed the idea of him and me being together, which hurt, I'll admit, but I still didn't tell them. Lately, I have been thinking that the reason behind his blushing was because maybe it was because he was telling it to me and that made him nervous? I don't know. I still sometimes think that he likes me because I haven't seen him look at her any different then he looks at someone like a teacher and when he looks at me I just think that there is something in his eyes telling me something else different then that he wants to be friends only. Also there was this one time that meant a lot to me, I don't know if he even remembers it. So, I am in band and I like to believe that I am pretty good at my instrument so I did this thing where I preformed a solo. I did this with my friends (including the guy that I like) and the guy that I casually despise. The morning of the actual event, I told my parents that I didn't want them to watch me perform because it was too stressful, only to find later that everyone had turned it into a popularity contest. I thought that my friends would watch me and that I would be fine but about a half hour before my performance we all went with the guy I despise to watch him get ready (everyone else in my friend group is friends with him so it is either go with them or be left out). I, then, realized that I, too, needed to get ready because my performance was quite soon so I left and began warming up. The guy that I like came with me. When I was called for the performance, I stalled and texted my friends, expecting them to come soon but they didn't. I ended up performing in front of only my crush and his sister and I didn't do too well because I was on the verge of crying. Ten minutes after I have finished performing, my friends come back all like "when do you perform?" and my voice cracked when I told them that I already had. He sent me this look and I went off to pretend to accept a call from my mother. There is also the factor that he talks to a lot of girls that are prettier than me and I think that he could just as easily, or maybe more so, like the other girls instead. Though, I hate being in this mindset so forgive me for not writing an entire paragraph on this part. Back to the subject of my desperate "need" for a boyfriend, I know that I don't need one and that someone worth while will come with time but.... I don't want to wait. Jeez, this makes me feel dumb and stuff but... I don't know. I just want someone to be there for me when my friends aren't.

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