Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
Considering therapy? Talk to a licensed therapist, wherever you are. Get started
orangePlace5851
1 863 M Little Steps 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts66 Forum posts12 Forum upvotes24 Current upvotes24 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2026 Member sinceApril 12, 2026
Bio
Recent forum posts
orangePlace5851 profile picture
No compassion. No love.
Addiction Support / by orangePlace5851
Last post
 July 13th
...See more No compassion. No love. Even from someone who sits there and does it with you. I hate myself for wanting it. I can't stand to look in the mirror... But they can,kng enough to judge you for doing it. My own husband looks down on me... He'll get high, but it's only okay because he says so. He's in control so it's alright as long as what he says, goes. But when I break down and tell him why I relapse and how I just need help, I'm overreacting. When I list all the things I'd give up just to be happy, I'm too much. I miss living. I miss dates and going out to dinner. I miss outings and going to the park. I never go anywhere. I never do anything. Why do I feel bad when I beg for him to care about something that I want? About my happiness? I feel like I'm not making much sense.
orangePlace5851 profile picture
Square one.
Addiction Support / by orangePlace5851
Last post
 May 30th
...See more Here I am... Again. I thought I was doing better. I don't know what true happiness is anymore... I'm afraid I've lost the ability to determine what that feels like.
orangePlace5851 profile picture
You'd think I'd have learned my lesson by now...
Addiction Support / by orangePlace5851
Last post
 April 27th
...See more I keep messing up. I am battling somewhat of an addiction and most days I can't even admit it to myself. I feel like the worst *** person on the planet right now, and the only person making mistakes. I carry all the blame and it's exhausting. It starts out fun when me and my s/o end up getting tempted to relapse, but when things go wrong I'm the only one left feeling as if it's all my fault. Maybe it is. I still feel betrayed when we both make the wrong choice yet I'm the only one apologizing and taking responsibility. It still doesn't stop me from feeling like a *** up and knowing I'm probably dragging him down. I swear I just want to do better. I feel like I'm headed straight into a wall and I'm seconds from crashing despite how hard I'm fighting to stop it.
orangePlace5851 profile picture
What if...
Depression Support / by orangePlace5851
Last post
 April 25th
...See more I lay awake at night, when the world is quiet. I wonder what it's like to be loved as hard as I love... Wouldn't that be nice?
orangePlace5851 profile picture
Depression hole
Depression Support / by orangePlace5851
Last post
 April 25th
...See more Anyone else wake up some mornings (most mornings) feeling completely and absolutely fkn joyless? Right now, it feels like there's not a fkn thing in the world that I enjoy. My spouse doesn't understand and takes it personally. It only makes me feel worse.
Search more from @orangePlace5851
Considering Therapy?
Talk to an expert therapist
Badges & Awards
17 total badges
Hand Shake Linked Quintet Chief Chat Honest Voice Strong Start Reconnect First Post Reaching out Helping out Appreciated Voice First Compassion Helpful heart Bundled Member Oath Group Friend Forum Friend
Report an issue
Talk to a licensed therapist Wherever you are, whenever you need support. Get matched
Considering therapy? Talk to a licensed therapist, wherever you are. Get started