You'd think I'd have learned my lesson by now...
I keep messing up. I am battling somewhat of an addiction and most days I can't even admit it to myself. I feel like the worst *** person on the planet right now, and the only person making mistakes. I carry all the blame and it's exhausting.
It starts out fun when me and my s/o end up getting tempted to relapse, but when things go wrong I'm the only one left feeling as if it's all my fault. Maybe it is. I still feel betrayed when we both make the wrong choice yet I'm the only one apologizing and taking responsibility. It still doesn't stop me from feeling like a *** up and knowing I'm probably dragging him down.
I swear I just want to do better. I feel like I'm headed straight into a wall and I'm seconds from crashing despite how hard I'm fighting to stop it.
@orangePlace5851
You are not worthless
You are fighting an addiction.
And that's not easy.
It might be time, as hard as it is, for you both for now to go it alone, so that the other doesn't tempt.
It's a difficult road, but one day at a time.
This can stop, you can heal 💙
@orangePlace5851
That is really heavy. I’m sorry you’re carrying so much blame right now. You’re not defined by this moment or these setbacks. The fact you want better means there’s still hope, and change is still possible one step at a time.
Stop being hard on yourself!! As long as you keep trying, it’s ok. It’s all about the climb. Your next move it’s more important than you last one🤍
I admire your courage for speaking out and that you are trying hard.
I've found that addiction can have many layers. Sometimes it's a way to deal with difficult feelings (hungry, angry, lonely, tired, bored, stressed).
My life started changing when I started finding better ways to deal with bored, lonely and stressed.
Dealing with the underlying issues is one way to be kind to yourself