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orangeWater6338
1 89 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts9 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2022 Member sinceFebruary 14, 2022
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Is a FWB-turned-cuddle buddy something I need to disclose to a hookup?
Relationship Stress / by orangeWater6338
Last post
 February 15th, 2022
...See more I met a guy (Chris) about four months ago who I hooked up with twice. The second time, Chris did something to really break my trust. I decided to forgive him, but I didn’t want to have sex with him for a while, and just be friends. Sometimes he’d put his arm around me if we were sitting next to each other or something (cuddling, but not the sexual kind), and correct me if I’m wrong but that doesn’t constitute a romantic or sexual relationship. It took me about two months to recover mentally enough from the incident to want to have sex again, and I still wasn’t interested in having sex with Chris. I met a guy on an app (Will) who said “if you’re not single, move on”. In my mind I was single, because I’d never dated anyone and hadn’t had sex for two months. I reached out to Will and asked if he wanted to hook up. He said sure. I was only planning on seeing him once, but I ended up seeing him three times because he wanted to see me again. We had sex one time (the second time) and afterwards, in an attempt to get him to not want to see me anymore, I brought up Chris as a “FWB”. I told Will that Chris and I hadn’t slept together for two months (true) and that we cuddled while naked and made out frequently (untrue, I was trying to make it sound like Chris and I were doing more than we actually were). However, when I asked Will if he felt lied to, he said “no, it sounds like you’re single to me”. The third time I saw Will he said “I wouldn’t mind having you all to myself”, and I realized that he wanted more than FWB. Two weeks later, I told Will over text that I didn’t want to see him anymore. A few days after that, I saw Chris for the first time since meeting Will, and basically dropped all my boundaries I’d put up and told Chris he could do whatever he wanted with me. I wanted it to be true that I had lied to Will about being single so I wouldn’t have to feel bad about lying to him about the extent of my relationship with Chris. I don’t like having sex with Chris but I feel like I have to. But now I’m worried… was I single when I told Will that I was? I realize that if Will does truly think I was lying about that, then I had sex with him under false pretenses. Did I lie initially when I said I was single?
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Did I lie by saying I was single?
Relationship Stress / by orangeWater6338
Last post
 February 14th, 2022
...See more I met a guy (Chris) a few months ago who was in an open marriage. I met his wife and confirmed this was true. We hooked up once, and a few days later, he told me his wife said she wouldn’t be comfortable with us being FWB, but we could still be friends. We didn’t do anything sexual for a few weeks, then he told me his wife was okay with us having sex again. I told him I’d only do it if that was true, and he said it was. He admitted to me right after sex that he had lied to me. I was distraught and almost didn’t forgive him, but his wife called me and told me he’d apologized to her and everything was fine. I felt like I had to forgive Chris, because he’d been kind to me, and I have a habit of forgiving people who do terrible things to me. I told Chris I wasn’t comfortable having sex with him, but we could still be friends. When we saw each other after that, About two months later I felt ready to have sex again, but definitely not with Chris. I met a guy (Will) on an app who said he wasn’t interested in having sex with anyone who wasn’t single. In my mind, I was single, since I wasn’t dating anyone and hadn’t had sex in two months. I reached out to Will and asked if he wanted to try being FWB with me, and he said sure. We saw each other three times, and had sex one time. I didn’t want to have sex going in, but I was acting like I did so I had to go through with it. After we had sex, Will and I were discussing our sexual histories, and I mentioned having another FWB (Chris, who I didn’t actually consider a FWB at the time)Will seemed surprised, and I freaked out, thinking I’d messed up by not mentioning Chris to Will before we had sex. I told Will that Chris and I hadn’t slept together for 2 months (true) and that Chris and I cuddled while naked and made out frequently (not true, but I was trying to make it sound like we were doing more than we actually were). I asked Will if he felt like I’d lied to him by saying I was single, and he said “no, sounds like you’re single to me. I just didn’t want to participate in infidelity”. Two weeks later, I texted Will and told him I didn’t want to see him anymore, because I hadn’t since we had sex and felt like I was leading him on. He seemed disappointed but he took it well. Since then, I pretty much dropped all my Noh darles with Chris and have been letting him do what he wants to me, because I was trying to make it “true” that Chris and I were FWB like I told Will. I know I lied to Will about the extent if my relationship with Chris. My main concern is, did I lie by saying I was single? I truly wasn’t I tending to be dishonest about that. Will said he didn’t feel deceived, is there a reason for me to think he was lying?
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