Did I lie by saying I was single?
I met a guy (Chris) a few months ago who was in an open marriage. I met his wife and confirmed this was true. We hooked up once, and a few days later, he told me his wife said she wouldn’t be comfortable with us being FWB, but we could still be friends. We didn’t do anything sexual for a few weeks, then he told me his wife was okay with us having sex again. I told him I’d only do it if that was true, and he said it was. He admitted to me right after sex that he had lied to me. I was distraught and almost didn’t forgive him, but his wife called me and told me he’d apologized to her and everything was fine. I felt like I had to forgive Chris, because he’d been kind to me, and I have a habit of forgiving people who do terrible things to me. I told Chris I wasn’t comfortable having sex with him, but we could still be friends. When we saw each other after that,
About two months later I felt ready to have sex again, but definitely not with Chris. I met a guy (Will) on an app who said he wasn’t interested in having sex with anyone who wasn’t single. In my mind, I was single, since I wasn’t dating anyone and hadn’t had sex in two months. I reached out to Will and asked if he wanted to try being FWB with me, and he said sure. We saw each other three times, and had sex one time. I didn’t want to have sex going in, but I was acting like I did so I had to go through with it. After we had sex, Will and I were discussing our sexual histories, and I mentioned having another FWB (Chris, who I didn’t actually consider a FWB at the time)Will seemed surprised, and I freaked out, thinking I’d messed up by not mentioning Chris to Will before we had sex. I told Will that Chris and I hadn’t slept together for 2 months (true) and that Chris and I cuddled while naked and made out frequently (not true, but I was trying to make it sound like we were doing more than we actually were). I asked Will if he felt like I’d lied to him by saying I was single, and he said “no, sounds like you’re single to me. I just didn’t want to participate in infidelity”.
Two weeks later, I texted Will and told him I didn’t want to see him anymore, because I hadn’t since we had sex and felt like I was leading him on. He seemed disappointed but he took it well. Since then, I pretty much dropped all my Noh darles with Chris and have been letting him do what he wants to me, because I was trying to make it “true” that Chris and I were FWB like I told Will.
I know I lied to Will about the extent if my relationship with Chris. My main concern is, did I lie by saying I was single? I truly wasn’t I tending to be dishonest about that. Will said he didn’t feel deceived, is there a reason for me to think he was lying?
@orangeWater6338 Being in a FWB type of thing doesn't make you in a relationship so no I don't believe you lied to him. You are single.
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@orangeWater6338 It seems like you were single when you started seeing the other guy, so I think it's fine. What is concerning is that you seem to be being sexual to please these guys for some reason. You don't owe any one anything. You can change your mind and decide you aren't ready or in the mood at any time. Just do what's best for you and what you want, not the guys.