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pinkScarf2624
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PathStep 2 Compassion hearts65 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes14 Current upvotes14 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2023 Member sinceJuly 3, 2022
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Mental/verbal abuse from parents
Family & Caregivers / by pinkScarf2624
Last post
 August 25th, 2022
...See more Dear reader, I am here to write something about my personal life, and maybe just find some people with similar problems. Exucuse my english sometimes, it is not my first language. As to begin, I am a 25yo adult (f), and trying to find a way to live my own life. My parents seem to be perfect from the outside, respected in the community and they kinda gained some superior mindset during my teenage years. I was never a problem-child, always had good grades and i am now waiting to go on a traineeship in another country. My problem is, that my parents wont leave me make my own decisions. When I try to explain that i want to do something that i think is good and will make me happy, they start with the verbal abuse. Name calling, guilt tripping etc is something i am living with on daily basis. As an example, I tried to say today that i want to do something i think will be best for me, because i am just finishing uni. They response was that i will be a shame for the whole family if i dont do something bigger (for example, do something in politics), only because other people will think less of our family, make fun of us etc (they wont, i know). The verbal abuse started as i was a teen, but only now i see what an impact it had on me. As i tried to be a better person, the worse it was. A normal conversation never existed. The peaking point was in February this year, when i told my mom I had a boyfriend. At first, she was okay with it, because he is the best guy ever, has a great job, was at uni etc. She simply said i shoulndt tell dad until i finish uni. I was fine with it. I came home from uni for 10 days and then the hell of life started. My mom looked my bf up on FB, saw that he wasnt "good enough" because he was "ugly", his parents are "peasnts" do bakery jobs and do some low payed jobs and that i will be a shame for the fam if someone finds out i am with him. She didnt even met him in person. What happend next is that my mom told my dad behind my back horrible things about my bf that are not true, and made a verbal abuse fullfiled 10 days of my uni break. On the 10th day, as i was sitting in the bus to go back to uni, i felt like i left a kiddnaper who abused me. Since then, the only thing i feel is depression and saddness. I feel like i cant live my life, do what i want, love who i want, and constantly feel like i owe them. They guilt tripped me into thinking i am responsible for their mental health, for the family reputation etc. My mom said "whatever you do in life, the first thing you are going to think about is our reputation and if your parents are happy, other things come next" aka everything they want me to do, i need to do. I feel hopless and feel like im in the middle between parents and having my own life. I feel like i just cant have my own decisions, do what i like and want. I am capable and have finished uni, but their abuse wont end and I feel like its never going to. Im just scared, that it wont end well for me and that i will live a miserable life because in the back of my head i feel guilty if i dont do as they tell me. I hope someone will find this and see that they are not alone or someone who will relate to me and say some kind words. Hope to hear from you, Lots of love
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