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ramonaquimby
3,482 M Seeking Light 2
PathStep 103 Compassion hearts45 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2017 Member sinceMarch 15, 2014
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Can't stop thinking about depression.
Depression Support / by ramonaquimby
Last post
 April 24th, 2016
...See more Hi guys, I was just wondering: do you ever get obsessed over the idea that you have depression? Like you can't stop researching about it and even when doing something else, you are thinking stuff like "I have depression" "why do i have depression" "what can I do to stop depression". I have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder and anxiety disorder 6 months ago, under meds and therapy. Ever since I knew that, I just can't stop ruminating about my depression. It seems like my medication isn't working and i have switched 2 medications already. I feel like these thoughts are disruptive and taking over me. I just want to learn how to stop thinking about my illness all the time. I want to focus on important things without these thoughts barging in and taking away my focus. It's like I'm hyperaware of my condition. Am I the only one who feels and thinks this way? :/ Thank you!
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unable to seek for help as of now and im not sure what I can do
General Support / by ramonaquimby
Last post
 July 28th, 2014
...See more Hi everyone. I just wanted to share what I have experienced recently and know what you think of it. It's been almost 2 years in which I have been having a lot of thoughts about death. Ever since I started college, the thought of it just wouldn't leave me. In first year, I have felt extremely lonely. I am often socially anxious so making friends has been quite a struggle. Aside from that, I live in a dorm away from my family so most of the time it's just me. Some days I feel really lonesome, and the thought of ending it all seems so peaceful. But then of course I did not follow that idea because of fear. This year, I think it has gotten worse. Although I have made a few friends, I still have moments in which I feel sad. Just plain sad. I think of my parents and how they are both suffering from health issues that seems to be deteriorating through time. I think about how financially unstable we are. How we are not able to afford proper health care and end up desperately seeking for cheap alternative medicine. I think about how insignificant I am, how I am not great enough to be remembered or wonderful enough to be loved, or the fact that. I am very tired of thinking and feeling this way. I wish I could seek medical help and get myself checked for depression but our finances have made it almost impossible. I have not told my parents because I don't want them to worry since they already have too much of their own worries. I am currently on vacation and at home I've been isolating myself because seeing my parents situation just triggers me to feel more sad. However, my parents are starting to feel like I don't love them because I am no longer talking to them that much and that I avoid them a lot. It's just really hard. Aside from the listeners in this site, I have only told my best friend and my new college friend. They were all supportive. But lately I have not communicated with them and I just feel more alone. 
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