unable to seek for help as of now and im not sure what I can do
Hi everyone. I just wanted to share what I have experienced recently and know what you think of it.
It's been almost 2 years in which I have been having a lot of thoughts about death. Ever since I started college, the thought of it just wouldn't leave me. In first year, I have felt extremely lonely. I am often socially anxious so making friends has been quite a struggle. Aside from that,I live in a dorm away from my family so most of the time it's just me.
Some days I feel really lonesome, and the thought of ending it all seems so peaceful. But then of course I did not follow that idea because of fear.
This year, I think it has gotten worse. Although I have made a few friends, I still have moments in which I feel sad. Just plain sad. I think of my parents and how they are both suffering from health issues that seems to be deteriorating through time. I think about how financially unstable we are. How we are not able to afford proper health care and end up desperately seeking for cheap alternative medicine. I think about how insignificant I am,how I am not great enough to be remembered or wonderful enough to be loved, or the fact that.
I am very tired of thinking and feeling this way. I wish I could seek medicalhelp and get myself checked for depression but our finances have made it almost impossible. I have not told my parents because I don't want them to worry since they already have too much of their own worries. I am currently on vacation and at home I've been isolating myself because seeing my parents situation just triggers me to feel more sad. However, my parents are starting to feel like I don't love them because I am no longer talking to them that much and that I avoid them a lot.
It's just really hard. Aside from the listeners in this site, I have only told my best friend and my new college friend. They were all supportive. But lately I have not communicated with them and I just feel more alone.
Hey Ramona. I'm glad you've come to 7 Cups of Tea. That's a lot to worry about, and feeling like you're going through it alone can make it seem much worse. We're here for you if ever you want to talk to someone ?
Many hospitals and clinics will house studies on different treatment methods. If it's something you'd consider, you wouldn't have to pay to join the study, and sometimes they even compensate you for participating. Do you think something like that might help?
There's limitations to how much good advise someone can give you. You are the master of your own destiny. My condolences about your parents, by the way. Whilst I can?t understand what it?s like to be in your shoes, I can empathise with the feeling of watching your parents deteriorate in front of your eyes. It?s an inevitability based on a depressing foundation.
However, with your money situation, you can actively do something about that. Build up your qualifications, apply for some credible jobs, and be proactive. Karma will reward you.
I am so sorry you're feeling so bad.
I want you to know that lots of people, me included, struggle with social anxiety and sadness and have a hard time making friends. It doesn't make you unloveable or worthless. No matter how alone you feel right now, it doesn't mean you'll be alone forever.I swear to you, there are people out there who would love to know you and be in your life.
I know you don't want to burden your parents or anyone else, but you mentioned that you've been feeling more alone lately since you've been isolating more.I think it's great that you've been coming here and reaching out. Do you think telling your parents or talking with your friends more often would help you feel a little less isolated?
I think your inclination to seek professional help is a smart one. It's frustrating that your financial situation has made this difficult. Still, I think it's a sign of strength that you want to do what you can to address how badly you're feeling so that things can get better. Many colleges offer free counseling services. I wonder if that is something you could look into for when you return from vacation.
I totally get the urge to withdraw, but you shouldn't have to go through this alone! I want you to have as much support as possible.
There are also some great resources out there that can help you help yourself. Have you checked out the 7Cups Depression Guide under the Support & Guides tab? I'm going to offer you a few links that might also be helpful. There are so many resources designed to help you that it can be overwhelming, so feel free to take or leave any of this. Don't feel like you have to look at everything at once. The path towards feeling better often happens one tiny baby step at a time, and that is more than okay.
Hereis a site that lists some wonderful online resources for depression:https://www.temple.edu/studentaffairs/counseling/Depression.html Here is a post with some other great online self-help tools:https://www.7cups.com/forum/Resources_29/Crisissupportandhelpresources_90/SelfHelpToolsandSitesforPersonalMentalWellness_379/ And here is a list of some books that you may find helpful or inspiring:https://www.soulseeds.com/seed-exchange/2014/04/twenty-three-books-that-will-change-your-life-chosen-by-personal-development-experts-by-patrik-edblad/
It's important to recognize that you are at a time in your life that is a really, really difficult period for so many people.I know there's this idea out there that college is supposed to be this fun, fun time, but the truth is, for so many people, it's a time categorized by depression,self-doubt,financial instability,anxiety, feelings of inadequacy, andloneliness.The good news is that most people find that things get better!!!You have so many reasons to hold on to hope.
You can always decide to end your life later, but you can't ever take it back once you've done it. You have so little to lose and so, so much to gain by holding off.When going through such a tough time, it's normal to have thoughts about how much easier things would be if you didn't have to exist. I hope that if you think you might hurt yourself, you'll contact a hotline where people are trained to help with exactly what you're going through!befrienders.organdhttps://suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.htmlcan help you find a good hotline no matter where in the world you are. If you are located in the U.S.,1-800-273-8255 is a good one,andimalive.org or crisischat.org offer crisis help through online chats, though they may have limited volunteers or hours, so it's possible you might have to try a few different times to reach someone.
I know how painful and difficult it can be when life feels so rough.Hang in there!It is completely alright not to have life figured out right now, and you have so many reasons not to give up!Anyways, be proud of yourself even just for for waking up in the morning. Existing can be hard sometimes and that is okay. I'm proud of you even if all you did today was exist. I'm proud of you for existing.