Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
redCity5067
2 256 M Embraced 2
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts20 Forum posts5 Forum upvotes7 Current upvotes7 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2025 Member sinceMay 22, 2022
Bio
Recent forum posts
redCity5067 profile picture
The breath of tree(actual story)
20 & Over / by redCity5067
Last post
 July 22nd, 2025
...See more hot summer night and i am sitting at an open cafe with soda and we were laughing on almost everything. we were meeting after a long time.....and everytime i meet her i feel like i am fine with not having a lot of friends as long as i can have one friend like her. its like everytime we're together i can say things that doesn't make sense but i still say it because somehow she can make sense out of it and every damn time i know she will understand what i am saying.....she creates a space with such comfort that sometimes i am afraid that i might not be able to do same.....even though i have lost friends and people because of giving too much but never because i didn't gave enough and thats why i started learning how not to overspill my love and care but its been years since i am friends with her and now when i am with her i kind of want to overflow and spill when i am pouring her cup....not too much but just a little....little enought to make her giggle on how unstable i am.....and for me watching her appreciating everything i am and i have with a giggle is one of the things that make me want to be more....for example i can actually state weird facts i think about all the time...just like i did at this moment when we were sitting in the cafe and i told her that the tree with fairy light slowly fading in and out looked like its beathing and she looked at me and said you think so deep...soon after when we were laughing she noticed the fairy lights started flickering and she said that the tree is hyperventilating....well in my opinion the flickering was the tree laughing along with us...............we laughed on the tree for so long and it was nothing new for us we do these things all the time.but what was new for me is the feeling i am finally acknowledging right now , the feeling of actually wanting someone to be there when you're old and wrinkled its kind of scary becaused i've had that feeling before and it kind of didn't ended up as i imagined for years and it still feel like i am putting myself in a war with no weapons but more than it feels like i am jumping from somewhere high and i can see a trampoline somewhere below and i just have a feeling or maybe i am just hoping that the trampoline is where i end up falling. am i going to bounce back or am i going to break atleast 56 bones in me? i don't know but i want to take this jump. 
redCity5067 profile picture
The breath of tree
20 & Over / by redCity5067
Last post
 July 19th, 2025
...See more here to put out words about whatever i feel like talking about. because as much as i try to follow up with the steps and routine the more lost i feel its like there's bunch of prescriptions out there.but not the one that i need to heal. for the sake of context i've been trying to heal from i don't even know what. in last two years i realized that i've been repeating a set of mistakes since a long time. initially i thought maybe its just how i am.... like you know some people forget to water there small plant, some people like to shoplift, no i am not any of them but its just how i thought of myself and others i let the actions describe the person and for the record it is some what true, someone actions are a big mirror of who they are, but no mirror in this world was able to make up anything but a image. and i want you to repeat with me "an action and an image is not what defines us" it can define our past it can define a moment but it can never be enough to describe a living human hence the person who forgets to water is not a definitely irresponsible person, the shoplifter is not actually a thief. BUT what am i? ok i've learned that what i did before is not actually because if i was i woud've been satisfied with what i did , but i am not. all i wish is to change it. i wished to change it for so long that now finally i have realized that i am following the same pattern and if i change my actions right now i'd be changing my future and call me a overthinker all you want but didnt all our so many past future assumptions ended up as all same mistakes? if i change even the tiniest thing right now i might be breaking the pattern and i might end up different...good different? i dont know i am just trying to not do same stupid mistakes. i might do new even stupider mistakes. but its fine by me. what i know is that i can not stand myself being my own prison. stand and watching myself do everything but what i actually want . so here i am changing what i do usually everday to ignore my goals and purpose and most of all. how deeply i feel and think about so many things and i wish to think and feel more....because i like that and i want those two things to be there when i try to describe myself these two things have always been so natural and effortless for me that now i actually want to use these two things more to let me be guided how i am supposed to be guided. i want to come here and talk about what i feel and think so that i don't end up suppressing these things like i did in past and thats the one and very first thing i am doing to heal.......EVERYBODY my journey starts here(i can't be unhealed and undramatic altogether) by the way the title "the breath of tree" is not based on what i just talked about..... i wanted to talk about a completely different thing  the title belonged to a 'today what happened' kind of talk but i guess thats for next time?
Search more from @redCity5067
Talk to an expert therapist
Life can be challenging at times and reaching out for help can be difficult. It...
Talk to Brooke Now
Badges & Awards
10 total badges
Hand Shake Linked Chief Chat Honest Voice First Post Reaching out Helping out First Compassion Teammate Forum Friend
Report an issue