The breath of tree

here to put out words about whatever i feel like talking about. because as much as i try to follow up with the steps and routine the more lost i feel its like there's bunch of prescriptions out there.but not the one that i need to heal. for the sake of context i've been trying to heal from i don't even know what.

in last two years i realized that i've been repeating a set of mistakes since a long time. initially i thought maybe its just how i am.... like you know some people forget to water there small plant, some people like to shoplift, no i am not any of them but its just how i thought of myself and others i let the actions describe the person and for the record it is some what true, someone actions are a big mirror of who they are, but no mirror in this world was able to make up anything but a image. and i want you to repeat with me "an action and an image is not what defines us" it can define our past it can define a moment but it can never be enough to describe a living human hence the person who forgets to water is not a definitely irresponsible person, the shoplifter is not actually a thief. BUT what am i? ok i've learned that what i did before is not actually because if i was i woud've been satisfied with what i did , but i am not. all i wish is to change it. i wished to change it for so long that now finally i have realized that i am following the same pattern and if i change my actions right now i'd be changing my future and call me a overthinker all you want but didnt all our so many past future assumptions ended up as all same mistakes? if i change even the tiniest thing right now i might be breaking the pattern and i might end up different...good different? i dont know i am just trying to not do same stupid mistakes. i might do new even stupider mistakes. but its fine by me. what i know is that i can not stand myself being my own prison. stand and watching myself do everything but what i actually want . so here i am changing what i do usually everday to ignore my goals and purpose and most of all. how deeply i feel and think about so many things and i wish to think and feel more....because i like that and i want those two things to be there when i try to describe myself these two things have always been so natural and effortless for me that now i actually want to use these two things more to let me be guided how i am supposed to be guided. i want to come here and talk about what i feel and think so that i don't end up suppressing these things like i did in past and thats the one and very first thing i am doing to heal.......EVERYBODY my journey starts here(i can't be unhealed and undramatic altogether) by the way the title "the breath of tree" is not based on what i just talked about..... i wanted to talk about a completely different thing 

the title belonged to a 'today what happened' kind of talk but i guess thats for next time?