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redVillage1507
3 64 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts7 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2026 Member sinceMay 3, 2026
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Is this disordered...?
Eating Disorder Support / by redVillage1507
Last post
 May 4th
...See more Like I don't even know if I have an ED cos im not underweight (im slim but normal bmi) or coming in under calories or anything (well probably not majorly)... but I am super strict about what I eat, everything is planned in advance, I make lists and charts and I look things up obsessively (menus, nutrition, cals etc). I get stressed when an eating event is out of my control (e.g. invited to a dinner party or a restaurant without healthy options). if there's lots of unhealthy food around me I feel anxious... if im tempted by something like bread or something fried, I get panicky, I even got tearful because I ate half a bagel the other day and needed to get it far away from me. I feel so accomplished if I manage to skip a meal or eat very little in a day, resisting temptation somehow. I feel high and superior. I love going to more gym classes than anyone I know. I look at my body in the mirror obsessively - but I like it. I have great abs and arms and I love the compliments I get on them. and I love the sneaky feeling that nobody knows how much actual time and thinking and effort goes into it. The feeling that I'm secretly a bit crazy but no one can tell.
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Worried about my secrets
Eating Disorder Support / by redVillage1507
Last post
 May 4th
...See more Secretly getting lots of euphoric thrills and a high feeling from being very restrictive and controlled around food and having no-one notice. Except everyone compliments how good my body looks. And it does. And I know how I got it there. And I kind of love that I have this secret that nobody knows how weird I am about food... how much effort and control goes into it. I've never been diagnosed with an ED before. In fact, I've never really talked about this out loud. But the high feeling is getting stronger as the restriction is growing and my body is getting fitter. And a little part of me knows this probably is starting to lead somewhere a little bit... dangerous? Unhealthy? But another part of me just wants to lean in and see how far I can go...
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