Is this disordered...?
Like I don't even know if I have an ED cos im not underweight (im slim but normal bmi) or coming in under calories or anything (well probably not majorly)... but I am super strict about what I eat, everything is planned in advance, I make lists and charts and I look things up obsessively (menus, nutrition, cals etc). I get stressed when an eating event is out of my control (e.g. invited to a dinner party or a restaurant without healthy options). if there's lots of unhealthy food around me I feel anxious... if im tempted by something like bread or something fried, I get panicky, I even got tearful because I ate half a bagel the other day and needed to get it far away from me. I feel so accomplished if I manage to skip a meal or eat very little in a day, resisting temptation somehow. I feel high and superior. I love going to more gym classes than anyone I know. I look at my body in the mirror obsessively - but I like it. I have great abs and arms and I love the compliments I get on them. and I love the sneaky feeling that nobody knows how much actual time and thinking and effort goes into it. The feeling that I'm secretly a bit crazy but no one can tell.
@redVillage1507
It makes sense that you’re seeing that the energy and focus you’re putting into your diet lately is helping you hit goals, and that can feel like a great win. I can totally hear how finding that sense of control and accomplishment feels amazing right now.
Sometimes that "thrill" can start to sneak in and take over other parts of your life without you even realizing it. If you ever feel like you're starting to lean into it a little too hard, would you be open to talking to a pro just to keep everything in good balance? They might have good ideas for when the thoughts or behaviors are veering into alarming territory, so you can know that would be a time to seek help.
Chatting with a nutritionist or a counselor could also validate that your path stays healthy and sustainable for you in the long run so you can keep feeling this good forever. Having a professional in your corner could be a great way to make sure your body is getting absolutely everything it needs while you chase your goals.
Some of the Listeners here have experience with the ups and downs of staying in balance with eating being such an integral part of being alive. They can be super supportive and patient with you as you find your way to a path that not only feels great for now but also is healthy for you in the long term.
The support forum here where you made two posts that I saw --- I’m only responding to one of them here --- has a lot of resources, tips and ideas including websites that deal with support for eating disorders. One of the first posts on the forum links to an Eating Disorders Care Package. You can find it here: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1MnhQnwjxpFnJ3aiK0j9d5OAE1eK7epEX/view
It was powerful and brave of you to reach out here. I wish you all the best as you navigate your next steps.
@redVillage1507
Sorry, but this is the same response and the computer gave me an error message so I tried again, so three times, same message. I hope you can get it!