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redYard8893
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PathStep 27 Compassion hearts19 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupTeen Last activeSeptember, 2025 Member sinceJune 23, 2025
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I wish I just said yes
Trauma Support / by redYard8893
Last post
 August 28th, 2025
...See more This might be triggering to some people. Me and my brother (sister at the time, trans ftm) were SA'd for four years by the same guy, it started in grade 3 and I. An really remember most of my life, I only remember broken pieces. In grade four I think, I had an out, I could of been separated from him for the rest of middle school but I said no, I didn't want to be a burden but mostly I was afraid that he would find out and it would get worse. I thought I could handle him but I thought wrong. I'm not sure if my brother knows that I could of stopped it before it got really bad, it's my fault that we both had to suffer three more god awful years with him and I now suffer the consequences to my actions. It's been four years since I saw him and it seems my brother has moved on but I can't quite seem to get over it. I have people to talk to about this but I can't, it's a sensitive topic for my brother obviously and I can talk to my boyfriend about it and I do really want to talk about it but I just can't seem to say anything or even type it out. I want to talk about it I really do but that is not his burden to carry. I can't stop thinking about all those days where I wanted the world to swallow me whole, all those times he tried to kill me, all those fake excuses about being clumsy, I could have prevented it all not just for me but for my brother too. I wish I just said yes.
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TW SA SH
Trauma Support / by redYard8893
Last post
 July 11th, 2025
...See more In grade 3 I met a boy named mateo, we became friends but he wasn't nice, he SA'd for four years and I only escaped him when I left school to be homeschooled. I tried to tell people but I didn't want to get me or him in trouble and the odd time I did speak up nobody believed me or would blame it on his bad home life. I like to think he didn't know it was wrong, after all we were kids but he knew, he would get scared when I told him I was going to tell and would stop when someone was near. I didn't understand it and only realized how wrong it was years later and still struggle to accept it actually happened. I don't remember to much but I will get flashbacks at night making to hard to sleep. My parents don't know and I want a therapist so I can get better but I can't get one for many reasons. I can't function normally because of him and I am constantly scared of seeing him, I'm less scared of him recognizing me and more scared he doesn't even remember or it didn't even happen. I wan to talk to someone about this but physically can't because my body shuts down when I try, I start shaking, it feels like someone kicked me in the chest and it gets hard to breathe, my head feels like it's going to explode, my vision blurs, my ears will ring the odd time and my throat feels like it starts closing. I need to talk about it to possess it but I get really bad when I do and I need to be watched after it or I'll hurt myself to stop the thoughts. I'm trying to work up the courage to ask my parents for a therapist but don't want them to know about what happened because they will feel guilty for not stopping it after all they knew the guy and have brought him up even after I escaped him. If anyone has any advice please let me know, this is eating me alive and I need help. Thank you for taking your time to read this I hope you are better them I am. Have a great day reader.
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