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s2k3
4,168 M Seeking Light 4
PathStep 4 Compassion hearts57 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2023 Member sinceMarch 26, 2020
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It's been years, and it seems like I just can't heal
Depression Support / by s2k3
Last post
 May 6th, 2023
...See more I just logged into here for the first time in a few years, I mostly used this website when I was in high school in 2020 when I would say my depression was at its worst, but still three years later I'm still depressed and still feel hopeless. I've tried so many resources and options, but it really feels like things aren't getting better. I sometimes wonder if it's possible for me to get better. I've been to therapy, I've tried medications, I've called the hotlines. I've moved, I've met new people, made new connections, but still I feel the same. I want to believe I can get better, but I've tried so much for so long that it seems like I can't. I remember even before 2020, I didn't want to live then. Now it's 2023, and I still don't want to live. I just want to live a normal life and be happy. I can't remember a time in my life where I truly felt completely okay, there has always been some sort of conflict or pain. I wish I could just live a day in a life where I knew everything would be fine. With how cruel and twisted life is I'll probably be back here again in 2026.
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Alone
Depression Support / by s2k3
Last post
 April 26th, 2020
...See more I've been feeling quite depressed. I feel like I'm not close with anyone. One thing I've been feeling is my friends really don't care about me that much, whenever we talk or hang out, I'm always the one who has start the conversation or bring up hanging out. So I decided to do a test where I wouldn't contact any of them first and see how long it takes for someone to talk to me, it's been 2 and a half weeks and no one has made a single attempt to talk to me. My home life can best be summed up by, I'm a constant source of disapointment to my parents. Overall, I just feel alone. When I try to enjoy hobbies or things that used to make me a happy, I just feel empty, like nothing can't make me happy anymore. I've also been dissapointing myself a lot, the one thing about myself I've liked about myself consistintly in the past is that I was smart. Recently it doesn't feel that way though, I've getting a lot more B's in school, even though it feels like I've been trying harder than I ever have before. I think I've had on and off depression for a few years now, but recently it just feels like everything has gotten so much worse. Life just feels so pointless and unrewarding right now, and I'm honestly competely lost on what I should do to feel better.
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