Alone

I've been feeling quite depressed. I feel like I'm not close with anyone. One thing I've been feeling is my friends really don't care about me that much, whenever we talk or hang out, I'm always the one who has start the conversation or bring up hanging out. So I decided to do a test where I wouldn't contact any of them first and see how long it takes for someone to talk to me, it's been 2 and a half weeks and no one has made a single attempt to talk to me. My home life can best be summed up by, I'm a constant source of disapointment to my parents. Overall, I just feel alone. When I try to enjoy hobbies or things that used to make me a happy, I just feel empty, like nothing can't make me happy anymore. I've also been dissapointing myself a lot, the one thing about myself I've liked about myself consistintly in the past is that I was smart. Recently it doesn't feel that way though, I've getting a lot more B's in school, even though it feels like I've been trying harder than I ever have before. I think I've had on and off depression for a few years now, but recently it just feels like everything has gotten so much worse. Life just feels so pointless and unrewarding right now, and I'm honestly competely lost on what I should do to feel better.