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saaved12
1 69 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts9 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2025 Member sinceJuly 15, 2025
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Advice on Loving Yourself
Relationship Stress / by saaved12
Last post
 July 23rd, 2025
...See more I am going to attempt and write this freely and without care of judgement from others. I've been struggling my entire life to love myself. I recently have been undergoing relationship stress where there are implications of ending the connection after 4 years of being together.  In my 25 years, this is the most I've ever loved or been loved by someone else. The concept of losing my current life and severing what we've built together is destroying me mentally. My partner has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), and has been under tremendous stress dealing with her mothers Cancer diagnosis (over a year in). The situation has broken her, and has made every day feel uniquely challenging. I wake up and worry what it will bring, and what state her mental will be in. I feel consumed by it nearly every single day. I've felt so guilty in having these feelings of exhaustion, but no matter what support I offer, it never feels like enough. I am drowning, and yet when the idea of separating or taking a break was brought up, I went into a state of panic. I am worried about being abandoned, despite my heart telling me this may be necessary to really take care of myself.  I'm in therapy, and have been trying to stay as active as I can. I've grown so depressed I cant enjoy food, and have been feeling increasingly bad about myself. If anyone reads this, can you offer any support or advice you think might help?  Peace and love, Connor
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Dating Trauma / Advice
Relationship Stress / by saaved12
Last post
 July 16th, 2025
...See more Hello all. This is my first time writing on one of these forums and I'm quite nervous. Its hard to find the words to describe the mental stress I'm under relating to my current relationship. I M(25) have been with my partner (F)27 for 4 years now. We met in person and instantly connected, we fell in love hard and very fast. For initial context she has BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) as well as Clinical Depression and Anxiety which can make things very challenging for me (who doesn't have any mental diagnoses) After college, we decided to move in together (not a good idea) in a small place in Chicago. We did well for months, but deep down I was struggling with my own demons and struggles. I have been a Porn Addict since I was 11, and long story short my addiction got to a place that was not controllable. She discovered everything, and I mean everything that I had been so afraid to face. Understandably, she felt that she needed to leave ASAP. This discovery nearly tore us apart for good. We worked tirelessly through the challenging times, and ended up on the other side a more honest and whole version of ourselves. Flash forward to today, (nearly 2 years) and we've moved back in together. Its been a year, we resigned our lease back in May and have adopted 2 cats. All that said, she is in a funk, and has been for the better part of 6 months. Her mother was diagnosed with Cancer, so was her Grandpa... She has been struggling so much, and finally just burst. She wanted to speak about feeling disconnected with me, and that suddenly she wasn't sure of us anymore. She wanted to speak on the feeling of losing herself, and why its making her think uncoupling will be the best option.  I reacted in a panic, doing anything I could do to change her mind or get her back on our path. Despite my efforts, its simply not what she needs anymore. She only wants space and has let me know she loves me, and doesn't want to leave, but needs time to properly address her concerns without my influence. I want to give her this space, but my inner issues are making it feel impossible. I feel so stuck on how to love myself and not anxiously attach to her. My mind knows not to push her away and provide pressure, but my needs and concerns of abandonment feel so present at all times. I find it hard to trust that a break will bring her back to me, things feel so stuck in place and I feel like all she is wanting a break for is to soften the blow on the breakup.  I am so exhausted, not sleeping, and physically depressed. Is this too much for a 25 year old to be working through for love? How can I find the strength to advocate for me and love myself instead of people pleasing / latching on?  P.S. thank you to whoever can bear with my long first post...
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