Advice on Loving Yourself
I am going to attempt and write this freely and without care of judgement from others. I've been struggling my entire life to love myself. I recently have been undergoing relationship stress where there are implications of ending the connection after 4 years of being together.
In my 25 years, this is the most I've ever loved or been loved by someone else. The concept of losing my current life and severing what we've built together is destroying me mentally. My partner has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), and has been under tremendous stress dealing with her mothers Cancer diagnosis (over a year in).
The situation has broken her, and has made every day feel uniquely challenging. I wake up and worry what it will bring, and what state her mental will be in. I feel consumed by it nearly every single day. I've felt so guilty in having these feelings of exhaustion, but no matter what support I offer, it never feels like enough. I am drowning, and yet when the idea of separating or taking a break was brought up, I went into a state of panic. I am worried about being abandoned, despite my heart telling me this may be necessary to really take care of myself.
I'm in therapy, and have been trying to stay as active as I can. I've grown so depressed I cant enjoy food, and have been feeling increasingly bad about myself. If anyone reads this, can you offer any support or advice you think might help?
Peace and love,
Connor
@saaved12
🥺
I'm sorry you are going through this 💕💜
When you spend your whole life not feeling good enough or lovable enough, not letting people in, not feeling worthy, its like you unintentionally make yourself invisible, and you are standing at a window looking in at yourself. You are playing a lead part in your own life. You second guess everything about yourself. Others just accept it when people say I love you, but you just hear the words, but they don't sink in. I'm so glad your partner has made you feel loved, sometimes any connection or feeling we cling to, it's better than nothing but we don't still know if we are fully in it. I'm sorry that your partner is struggling so much, I don't doubt her love for you, but you have to have a difficult conversation with yourself, is this enough for me, do I really love her? Do I need to be alone and learn how to love myself so in the future I can give love to someone else and fully mean it or do you need to sit down and command find a way through this together, all I honestly do know is that, you matter, and both of you deserve to be loved and to truly feel it, sending you my best wishes 💕💜
