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sayainman2
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts28 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes9 Current upvotes9 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2026 Member sinceJanuary 2, 2015
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My girlfriend and I are stuck and afraid of our future
Relationship Stress / by sayainman2
Last post
 August 9th
...See more So to start off my gf and I have been on and off together for 12 years. We have given each other a lot of scars but I admit I gave her more. For a long time she was obsessed with me and I was not as much. She believed in us and gave me every benefit of the doubt. However when things became rough I abandoned. When her and I were 21 i got her pregnant but she aborted it becayse i was in university and not working. Later her father passed away and I wasn't consoling her as much. When her mom had bipolar episodes I couldn't handle it and she told me to go back to my moms. While she dealt with it then when her mom went to jail she was homeless she asked to live with me. My parents refused they dont like her because she isnt Muslim. So I said no and dropped her off at a women's shelter. I regretted this so much. Her cousin took her in and we broke up again while she was at her cpusins then got back a couple months after. Once her mom got better she moved in with in a apartment. She asked me to move in and I did. We were happy but one issue my mom and brother live in welfare housing so I was helping pay the rent and groceries there. This also meant slowing down my life with my gf and this made her upset. We couldn't go out and do as much things. She couldn't buy as much things because of it. She also wanted to make friends and she wasn't comfortable in person. So she started livestreaming late at night and having drinks with people online. I got insecure but prideful so I just let it happen while I had trouble sleeping, I can hear laughing, having a good time and even during the day she didnt want to talk to me much. Eventually we broke up. I ended up contacting her again. She moved about 2 hours away so we're in a semi long distance relationship. For 2 years then I only chose to see her every other weekend. I took her for granted and we started drifting apart. She started to livestream again but on a site called MeetMe. They prevent nudity so I was relieved about that. When she started livestreaming again something clicked in me like I wanted to talk to her more give her compliments biggest of all actually talk about our future for the past 10 years I have dodged that left right and center. All of sudden I want to talk to her about kids and a ring. But she said no shes going to school in September for ECE and wants to work for awhile at least. I was broken a bit but also I waited 10 years to suggest it not even ask it and set it up. I have asked her to have video streams with her to feel closer to her lately its been one after work for me and before bed she streams into the night. She did also mention she started to get feelings for someone and have inappropriate conversations but she stopped that after a week. Its Friday night and I called her for a bedtime stream I was listening in on the conversations she was having with a friend (and drinking) and it was fun but then she went to the bathroom she has two phones one for streaming and one to use as phone so she took me on the phone to the bathroom we were talking and I mentioned im happy shes making friends and just friends on it. That got her mad and she started crying talking about our past and that she feels I've let her down in every way but now Im doing better and she doesn't trust. Like im love bombing her. Ive talked to her about this because that is my fear as well I love her so much I dont want to go back to my old self and worry that if she stops streaming that will happen and she has the same worry. I tell her I won't stop and keep putting effort in but understandably she doesn't trust me. We sort of had a fight she was more crying her eyes and and I started to cry a bit then she said she cant talk to me since it just brings up the past too easily because of how I am treating her much better now its like we flipped. So that's what drove me to write this im anxious im not sure what to say to her tomorrow normally I send a good morning text and some love notes of how im feeling but im worried that this will trigger her now. A part of me wants to love her so much but im stuck and trapped in so many ways. Ive hurt her so much and she has so much trauma and regrets of that. I do too but nothing compared to hers so its not worth much. After tonight another part of me feels like I am just ruining her life more. I just don't know. Before we ended the call she says she loves me but I know she does but I don't know if she is willing to try for a future with me.
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Long distance relationship advice
General Support / by sayainman2
Last post
 May 4th
...See more I (30M) have been with my gf (30F) on and off for over ten years. I started living with her and her parents while I was in university. We tried an open relationship since we were each other's firsts and that didn't go well for me but eventually we got back to being exclusive. After her father passed away things became worse her mom (has bpd) had a horrible episode and my gf had to leave for her safety. My worst moment is when she needed a place I said no since my mom and dad said no. She stayed at a shelter for a week then went to stay at her cousins for a year. During this time we broke up again but then I went back to her. Her mom got better, was able to get a place so my gf went back to her later she asked me to move in with her. I was now working a good job with money, paying a portion of my moms rent and the only driver. I didn't tell my gf that I was giving money to my mom so she always wondered why I always seemed low on funds I eventually told her and she was very upset understandably we had many fights. She started streaming to make friends. She did but they were mainly guy friends and since she hasn't really had friends the way she talks is like flirting. My gf is a night owl so she would stream at night so I would be sleeping and hearing her giggle which made me ruminate at night. This would lead to another break up. Six months after I called her after her mom told me they are moving away. We're doing a long distance relationship where I see her every other weekend. I can now live my life without fully funding my mom since my brother can help now but when I talk to my gf I understand she has trust issues with us because of the past break ups and me abandoning her. I feel sick and am not sure what to do next since both of us want to try to mend it and she has forgiven me for it but doesn't trust me ultimately. She also started to stream again. I have been having this pit in my stomach for a week now. I feel like a coward thinking about my past actions. Recently her and I have started to talk more on the phone. I will be seeing her more often as well. Thinking about it. It does make sense we were drifting apart just from texting. Since I wasn't talking to her and she isn't very social but craves it she turned to streaming. I feel a bit better after talking and spending time with her. We started to talk about our future and how we can make things work for us in different possible situations but also dream scenarios like what would our house look like. One thing since we started to talk more that has been making me feel uneasy is that she has told me multiple times that if she goes out with her online friends like meets up. She can't guarantee that things might happen. Especially if they are drinking and such. She is not intending to do that but it can happen. I told her that it is okay and if it comes to that we will talk about it. I want to do that but also i feel I just gave her a pass to cheat on me. I think I dont trust her when she is out because there was a time we went dancing and when she started to dance with other people things happened and I had to stop it because it got worse. I know there's a lot of work for me to do to gain her trust back especially after just abandoning her. Which makes it a lot harder since we are apart. I wanted to get people's advice and thoughts on this.
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Seeking long term relationship advice
Relationship Stress / by sayainman2
Last post
 April 28th
...See more I (30M) have been with my gf on and off for over ten years. I started living with her and her parents while I was in university. We tried an open relationship since we were each other's firsts and that didn't go well for me but eventually we got back to being exclusive. After her father passed away things became worse her mom (has bpd) had a horrible episode and my gf had to leave for her safety. My worst moment is when she needed a place I said no since my mom and dad said no. She stayed at a shelter for a week then went to stay at her cousins for a year. During this time we broke up again but then I went back to her. Her mom got better, was able to get a place so my gf went back to her later she asked me to move in with her. I was now working a good job with money, paying a portion of my moms rent and the only driver. I didn't tell my gf that I was giving money to my mom so she always wondered why I always seemed low on funds I eventually told her and she was very upset understandably we had many fights. She started streaming to make friends. She did but they were mainly guy friends and since she hasn't really had friends the way she talks is like flirting. My gf is a night owl so she would stream at night so I would be sleeping and hearing her giggle which made me ruminate at night. This would lead to another break up. Six months after I called her after her mom told me they are moving away. We're doing a long distance relationship where I see her every other weekend. I can now live my life without fully funding my mom since my brother can help now but when I talk to my gf I understand she has trust issues with us because of the past break ups and me abandoning her. I feel like *** and am not sure what to do next since both of us want to try to mend it and she has forgiven me for it but doesn't trust me ultimately. She also started to stream again. I have been having this pit in my stomach for a week now. I feel like a coward thinking about my past actions.
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