My girlfriend and I are stuck and afraid of our future
So to start off my gf and I have been on and off together for 12 years. We have given each other a lot of scars but I admit I gave her more. For a long time she was obsessed with me and I was not as much. She believed in us and gave me every benefit of the doubt. However when things became rough I abandoned. When her and I were 21 i got her pregnant but she aborted it becayse i was in university and not working. Later her father passed away and I wasn't consoling her as much. When her mom had bipolar episodes I couldn't handle it and she told me to go back to my moms. While she dealt with it then when her mom went to jail she was homeless she asked to live with me. My parents refused they dont like her because she isnt Muslim. So I said no and dropped her off at a women's shelter. I regretted this so much. Her cousin took her in and we broke up again while she was at her cpusins then got back a couple months after. Once her mom got better she moved in with in a apartment. She asked me to move in and I did. We were happy but one issue my mom and brother live in welfare housing so I was helping pay the rent and groceries there. This also meant slowing down my life with my gf and this made her upset. We couldn't go out and do as much things. She couldn't buy as much things because of it. She also wanted to make friends and she wasn't comfortable in person. So she started livestreaming late at night and having drinks with people online. I got insecure but prideful so I just let it happen while I had trouble sleeping, I can hear laughing, having a good time and even during the day she didnt want to talk to me much. Eventually we broke up. I ended up contacting her again. She moved about 2 hours away so we're in a semi long distance relationship. For 2 years then I only chose to see her every other weekend. I took her for granted and we started drifting apart. She started to livestream again but on a site called MeetMe. They prevent nudity so I was relieved about that. When she started livestreaming again something clicked in me like I wanted to talk to her more give her compliments biggest of all actually talk about our future for the past 10 years I have dodged that left right and center. All of sudden I want to talk to her about kids and a ring. But she said no shes going to school in September for ECE and wants to work for awhile at least. I was broken a bit but also I waited 10 years to suggest it not even ask it and set it up. I have asked her to have video streams with her to feel closer to her lately its been one after work for me and before bed she streams into the night. She did also mention she started to get feelings for someone and have inappropriate conversations but she stopped that after a week.
Its Friday night and I called her for a bedtime stream I was listening in on the conversations she was having with a friend (and drinking) and it was fun but then she went to the bathroom she has two phones one for streaming and one to use as phone so she took me on the phone to the bathroom we were talking and I mentioned im happy shes making friends and just friends on it. That got her mad and she started crying talking about our past and that she feels I've let her down in every way but now Im doing better and she doesn't trust. Like im love bombing her. Ive talked to her about this because that is my fear as well I love her so much I dont want to go back to my old self and worry that if she stops streaming that will happen and she has the same worry. I tell her I won't stop and keep putting effort in but understandably she doesn't trust me. We sort of had a fight she was more crying her eyes and and I started to cry a bit then she said she cant talk to me since it just brings up the past too easily because of how I am treating her much better now its like we flipped.
So that's what drove me to write this im anxious im not sure what to say to her tomorrow normally I send a good morning text and some love notes of how im feeling but im worried that this will trigger her now.
A part of me wants to love her so much but im stuck and trapped in so many ways. Ive hurt her so much and she has so much trauma and regrets of that. I do too but nothing compared to hers so its not worth much.
After tonight another part of me feels like I am just ruining her life more.
I just don't know. Before we ended the call she says she loves me but I know she does but I don't know if she is willing to try for a future with me.
@sayainman2
You've both been through alot.
And in relationships, the toughest tests come when we face our biggest struggles and it hurts when we are not there for one another.
Relationships need trust
And honesty.
And compromise.
They need to be worked on , by both people.
You both have to decide if too much has gone on for this relationship to continue on and if so give each other a clean slate 💛
Having read your post. There are questions I would ask myself and think carefully to provide really honest answers, not to me, but to yourself.
Ask, why do I only seem to appreciate and chase her when she's moved on and happier with life?
Why don't I appreciate her wonderful qualities while we are together, only when we are apart?
Am I clinging on to her, because I genuinely care and want to make it work?
Or has she become a comfortable person, that is not right for me, but I'm used to the relationship and know what to expect, so it's less scary, than trying to date someone else, not knowing if it will work out, but potentially, she could be a better fit, even with some uncertainty?
I'm staying neutral, but these popped into my head. Best of luck with it :)
